Chapter 34: Pranking and Stink Clouds

           I made sing-a-gram calls a lot more after my first few times singing for tips. My hair was always in a tight bun and I was constantly washing my only sing-a-gram outfit, and found myself in it more often than not. One particular night, I decided to make a new, tasty meal, since I didn't really make many exotic dishes. It wasn't all that exotic, really, just spaghetti with a really yummy sauce.

           I grabbed some ingredients and tossed them in the food blender, being careful about watching the amount I put in.

           I let my thoughts dwell on my eldest, who would soon look like a proper teenager. What would I do with Andy? I sighed and added a touch of salt to the spaghetti and sauce cooking in the pot. As the curious mother that I was, I was dying to know all about the boy that Andy liked. I fretted about it constantly-was he a good boy? Was he gay? Would he shunt Andy? I just didn't want my boy to be hurt.

           I scooped a serving of spaghetti for myself and stored the rest in the fridge before sitting down at the dining room table. There was a bowl leftover from someone's breakfast. My bet was that it was Buzz's. Don't get me wrong-Buzz was a great kid. Polite, did what he was told to do, sweet, charming, but he got into mischief and didn't have the best common sense, if any. I knew that Andy would go far in life, providing that he was heir, and Sandy was extremely bright, but I worried that Buzz would just turn into your run of the mill guy. Not heir to the throne, not fit for duty, an extra, a spare, a castoff. It pained my heart, but it was true.

           I finished up and took my plate and the bowl to the dishwasher. I quickly snuck upstairs, as it was late and everyone else was asleep. "Goodnight, darling," I whispered, tip-toeing into Sandy's room. I pulled the covers snug around her sleeping body and leaned down and kissed her forehead. She stirred, but didn't wake. I wondered if she ever got lonely, even if she was a twin.

           "Night, my angels," I said, kissing Buzz and Andy on their cheeks. I wondered if they, perhaps, grew sick of each other's company. I wouldn't know, considering I didn't grow up in a normal home. I stumbled over Andy's doll on the way out-Jessie. Every day that went by with Andy saying she was real but without actually knowing really hurt me. Would I ever know? Or would I have an ever-lurking doubt of Andy's honesty and sanity?

           I slipped into bed next to Prince and fell asleep cuddling him. I woke up early the next morning to Prince stirring.

           "I didn't mean to wake you up," he whispered, kissing my cheek.

           "It's okay," I muttered, which really meant 'Let me go back to sleep right now'.

           He smiled knowingly and got up, making sure to tuck me in so the warm air didn't escape from under the covers. I wrapped myself in the blanket like a sick child on a cold, rainy day.

           A few minutes later, a blue light appeared in the room, shining through my eyelids. I wearily opened my eyes. "What is that?"

           Prince gulped the blue potion down. "Buzz gave it to me. It's a special potion that guarantees success when trying to repair an electrical or plumbing item."

           I rolled my eyes. "Are you high? Why didn't you leave it to me?"

           Prince looked offended. "Grumpy pants. I didn't want to wake you up."

           "Sorry," I muttered, shoving my face back into the pillow. He was right, it was early, and I wasn't in the mood. He was just my sweet husband.

           Despite how tired I was, I just couldn't fall back asleep with the guilt I bore on my chest. I ended up just laying in bed, listening to Prince clang the wrench on the bathtub. He was such a good husband, really. I only hoped that my children could end up with such great spouses.

           Eventually, though, sleep did come my way, and I drifted off until the lovely aroma of my darling husband's waffles woke me up.

**Andy's POV**

           I yawned and rolled out of bed. I immediately grinned, remembering what day it was. "Buzz," I said excitedly, yanking his covers off of him, "Get up!"

           Buzz growled and curled up in a ball. "Why must you punish me this way?" he wailed, trying to snatch up the covers.

           "We have school, get up," I commanded, and eventually Buzz climbed down. "Really, that's the first thing you're going to do?" I said, rolling my eyes as Buzz planted a whoopee cushion in our bean bag chairs.

           "Why not? Oh, happy birthday Andy!" he said in sudden realization. 

           "Thanks, man," I grinned, pleased that he remembered. 

           I cracked my back and made my bed, pondering all the different possibilities of what I would look like once I was older. It was so exciting! Although it seemed silly, I was crossing my fingers that I would be attractive. Maybe I was being a little vain, but I couldn't help but hope that I would turn a few heads. I knew for a fact that I had a handsome father and a gorgeous mother, so it would be really weird if I turned out ugly.

           I twirled around, bumping into Jessie. "Sorry, Jess!" I said in surprise. "Didn't see you there!"

           "My fault," she said with embarrassment, "I just needed to talk to you-"

           "Can it wait?" I said with sudden panic. "I really need to get ready for school!" I dashed out of my room, forgetting that I was still in my boxers.

           I burst into Sandy's room to make sure that she was awake, but she was already making her bed. "Hey, sis," I said giddily, giving her a hug.

           "Happy birthday, Dee!" she said, hugging me back.

           "I said it first," Buzz boasted from the corner of the room. He was busy planting yet another prank.

           "What's the point," I said, "If Sandy and I know that you're doing it?"

           Buzz tapped the side of his nose with his finger, a mischievous glint in his eye. "When you do fall for it though, because you forgot, it'll be even funnier."

           "You're just being immature," I said haughtily, and Buzz laughed.

           "Hey dad, what'cha makin'?"  I said, walking into the kitchen. Dad was putting flour, eggs, and other ingredients into the blender.

           "When you say that, it sounds like you're saying, 'What Jamaican'," dad considered, pausing for a moment.

           I just stared at him.

           "Waffles," he replied with a wink, "For a special birthday boy!"

           Waffles were my favourite. Well, they were until I tried some of my mom's spaghetti with veggie sauce. Nothing could beat that. But waffles were still great.

           "All done!" dad announced a few minutes later, taking the perfectly done waffles out of the oven. He laid three on a plate for me, drowned in butter and maple syrup (with a side of fruit) and put the next batch in the oven, setting the remaining waffle on a plate.

           "Before you eat, you need to come here!" Buzz called from the dining room. I looked over at Sandy, who just shrugged, before listening to Buzz's request.

           I burst out laughing. Buzz, like the crazy kook he was, was dressed in a crown and some sort of armor that he designed. He climbed up on the dining room chair and clapped his hands. "Quiet down, quiet down, my friends! Thank you. I'm only going to interrupt your feast briefly-I have a special announcement I would like to make. As you may know, I have ruled this kingdom for many years-but not alone. Alas, I haven't the brains to rule such brilliant people all by myself! I have been aided by two very special people-my twin sister, Sandy, who I won't talk about because today she's not important-" Sandy snorted with laughter, "-and my brother, who is one year older than me, but the closest friend I have."

           "When I've gone through times of sadness, Andy was there for me. When I needed someone to talk to, Andy was there for me. I know that siblings don't get along, most of the time, but I don't see how anyone could not get along with my brother, Andy. So, my friends, raise your glasses and cheer, for today is the day that we celebrate the birth of Andy! Today is the day he turns fourteen!" Buzz let out a cheering noise and screamed, "Happy birthday Andy!"

           I grinned at him. "I didn't think you had that speech in you, Buzz." I really was touched, though.

           Sandy rolled her eyes. "We were arguing about who could wish you happy birthday in the coolest way. I guess Buzz won."

           "You sound surprised," Buzz said cockily, but smiling all the same.

           I returned to the kitchen to eat my waffles, and Sandy grabbed some for her and Buzz. "Do you feel any different, Andy?" 

           "Not really," I said as I scarfed down a waffle, "Just excited that I'll be able to date without feeling embarrassed."

           Sandy winked at me. "I can't wait to see what boys you bring home."

           I blushed. "Just don't get any ideas, sis."

           "Nice getup," I heard Sandy say to Buzz as they ate in the dining room.

           "Thanks. It's pretty sick, I know," Buzz replied.

           "Your hair looks funny," Sandy said.

           "The crown flattens it." There was a brief lull in their conversation and the only sound was that of forks scraping plate. "Do you wonder what we'll look like in a year?"

           "I try to avoid it," Sandy said with a sigh, "But of course I do. I don't care that much though. There aren't many good looking guys at our school that I know of."

           I could almost see Buzz giving her the stink eye. "I don't want you looking at any guys. You shouldn't be dating for a long time." 

           Was I supposed to be the protective older brother? It was so confusing. "You're not my dad," Sandy said with a laugh.

           Buzz grumbled under his breath.

           I grabbed my toothbrush from my drawer and used lots of toothpaste. It was my birthday, so I wanted to look extra special. I wanted to smell extra special. It wasn't any birthday-today was the day that I aged up, from a child to a teen. I would go to parties, stay out late-oh, it sounded sweet. My mind drifted back to that one day, that embarrassing day...

           "Psst." 

           "What is it, Leon?" I was being abrupt, but only because he had just made of fun of me. It had hurt.

           "I'm sorry, Andy."

           "Okay."

           "No, Andy, please take this," he had said, slipping me a mint Tic Tac. "Trust me, you need it."

           At least he had been discreet about it, but I didn't breath on anyone for the rest of that day.

           "Happy birthday Andy!" Jessie said, embracing me with a hug. I forgot about Leon and hugged her back. 

           "Thanks, Jessie," I said, grinning. "Jess," I questioned in sudden realization, "When is your birthday?"

           "I'm not positive, but I aged up at the same time as you when you were a toddler, so I guess when your birthday is," she replied. 

           I didn't say anything, but it felt like it took some of the fun away from my birthday. But I didn't want to be selfish.

           I dashed up to my room quickly to get changed. As I did, I caught Buzz hanging up the phone. "Who were you talking to?"

           Buzz blushed. "Char..."

           I had managed to wheedle a bit of information regarding the girl that Buzz liked, and he had slipped up and said her nickname, 'Char'. He refused to tell me what her full name was, saying he didn't want to jinx anything. 

           "Buzz is getting all the ladies!" I shouted, and tackled him to the ground. We wrestled for a bit before mom shouted at us to hurry up and get ready for school. 

           "Who are you talking to?" I asked as I walked in on mom yapping on her cell.

           She covered the mouthpiece part and hissed, "I was talking to a few of my friends, Andy. I can't believe that you didn't invite them to your party!"

           I groaned. The last thing I wanted was a load of old people telling me how much I had grown since the last time I saw them. "Mo-om! Who did you invite!"

           "My step-sisters, Talan, Becky, Mitch and Sonoko Lee, Medina, Barry, and a couple people you don't know."

           I sighed, but I didn't want to be rude. What was done was done. "Next time I age up, when I age up into an adult, can I please only have my friends?"

           Mom glared at me. "And Becky and Talan. And your aunt, if she ever shows up."

           I sighed again and kissed her goodbye.

           I ran downstairs and kissed dad on the cheek, too. "Bye dad!"

           "Bye, Andy. Have a good birthday!" he said, barely glancing up from the computer screen. His fingers were tapping away so quickly that they were almost a blur.

           "What are you working on?"

           "I'm editing my latest novel, changing up word structure, plot, things like that," dad said, before looking up at me. "The bus is here, though. Run along so you don't miss it!"

           "Alright. Bye, dad!"

           School was awesome. Tons of people were wishing me happy birthday, including teachers. Someone even sang me happy birthday over the announcements! Plenty of people gave me cupcakes, doughnuts, and cake, up until the point where I didn't even need to buy a lunch. I knew that most people were just doing it because I was a prince, but it sure as hell felt nice! 

           The weirdest part was when I was running for my bus home, after school, and I saw Step-Aunt Anastasia throwing a football with Robbie Platt. I thought that mom had said that Robbie and Step-Aunt Drizella were dating? 

           A flash of a camera went off as a paparazzi snapped a picture. I automatically shielded my face until I realized that she was taking a picture of Step-Aunt Anastasia, not me. Step-Aunt Anastasia turned and gave me a wave. "Hey, sport! Tell your mom that I won't be able to make it tonight, but Robbie will! Happy birthday!"

           "Thank you! I will!" I shouted back. It was weird, because I hadn't talked to my step-aunt before. Even stranger was the fact that mom said I had to call her my step-aunt and not just my aunt, but I supposed that that had to do with some childhood sibling issues. My mom didn't like to talk about her childhood.

           When I got home, mom told me all about her day in great detail. Dad said that she was going through hot flashes. 

           "First, I wanted to look extra good for your party, so I went for a long walk on the treadmill. While I was exercising, I noticed that my boobs are really saggy! I guess I'm old."

           "MOM!" I said with disgust, absolutely appalled. I started to gag.

           "It's true! You'll have to deal with it-oh, no you won't," mom said awkwardly, remembering my sexual-orientation.

           "Then I did the laundry, so that I would have nice fresh, clean clothes to change into. I took some clothes out of the dryer and I noticed that there was a white shirt in the coloured load, so I'll need to watch out for that."

           "And then I couldn't help but noticed the giant pile of clothes that reeked so much that I was almost choking. I'm being serious, it's not even funny. I shouldn't be the only one taking care of the clothes, you know! Other people should do the laundry once in a while too!"

           "I had to use a ton of soap because the clothes smelled so bad. I mean, I must have emptied at least half of the box!"

           "Mom, does your story have a point?" I said with a sigh, getting bored.

           "I'm getting there, hold on."

           "I went to take a shower and get all cleaned up for your party, when guess what happened? I stepped out of the shower, glanced in the mirror, and saw that I had florescent yellow hair! Obviously it was Buzz's doing, and I cursed for a moment because I didn't know if I would be able to get it out."

           "I mean," mom said, starting to laugh, "Out of all of the colours he could have picked, he chose yellow! But anyway, I managed to wash it out and get dressed for your big day. I didn't want to embarrass you by having florescent yellow hair."

           I managed to blink a few times before shaking my head and walking away. My mom's hormones were making her really weird.

           Despite my mom's long rant, my birthday was actually pretty good. I got off the bus and ran home with Buzz. One of the girls I had invited was already there. She seemed pretty normal, off the bat, but she was an odd girl. I wasn't terribly close to her, but I had noticed that she didn't have many friends, so I didn't want her to be left out.

           See, the only thing about her that you'd really notice was her shoe choice. It was beyond a little bizarre. She was wearing flippers. 

           I also invited this guy named Johnny. Again, I didn't know him too well, but he was a cool guy and we sometime hung out. He had recently graduated and had received a lot of money, so he was spending it on bling, clothes, and cars.

           Sandy had ridden her bike to school, so of course she had to ride it back. She was a little late for the start of my party, but it didn't really matter anyway, considering that she was my sister.

           A lot of people I didn't know were bringing food. Fish and chips, chili, firecracker shrimp, and grilled cheese sandwiches were among the tastiest dishes. When my mom saw all the food, she didn't even bother cooking anything.

           At the beginning, my party was a little weird, since I didn't know anyone besides a couple teens. I caught one of the guests, Barry, staring at Step-Aunt Drizella's chest, which was quite visible thanks to her sheer zebra striped shirt and her dark red bra.

           My mom's old neighbour, Mitch Lee was at the party. He looked close to death's door, but he was wearing hipster glasses, funnily enough. I found it strange that my mom was friends with him, considering all that he was put through whenever he visited her house when she was a kid.

           But I digress. Before a large crowd could be formed, I blew out the candles on my cake, wishing for no more than a happy marriage. Mom, of course, got it all on tape. She whipped out an expensive looking video recorder and started filming, without telling me. Dad stood by, grinning proudly.

           The transformation was probably one of the most painful things I had ever experienced in my life, even with the cake. I let out a cry and clutched my stomach as sharp jolts shot through my body. Sparkles started bursting out of my body.

           In a split second, all of the pain disappeared as I started floating... oh, and heaven above it was bliss. My muscles loosened until I felt like I was sinking into the softest bed, my eyes fluttered close and the noise drowned out around me as I entered the dream land... It felt like hours that I was in this paradise, in complete comfort and happiness, although it was probably only seconds.

           And then, it was over. I was a teenager. I watched my bones reshape under my skin, and felt my jaw realign itself. Mom blew a noise maker in my ear, and my two older friends cheered for me. I couldn't wait to see what I looked like.

           I glanced down at myself. The clothes that I found myself in were terrible. I would have to change them. I realized, with embarrassment, how little muscle I had on my skinny arms, although they were well defined thanks to dad's good genes. 

           I grabbed a slice of cake and joined my sister, brother, mom and a guest at the dinner table. Buzz muffled a laugh from where he sat. "You look pretty good, bro," he said.

           "Thanks!" I was still dying to look in the mirror.

           "Especially your clothing," Sandy added, and the two of them burst out laughing.

           "Oh, hardy har har. At least I'm a teenager," I muttered. I could already feel the hormones kicking in. 

           The woman sitting next to me wrinkled her nose and looked away. I shot her an annoyed glance, then looked at mom for support. She smirked. "I'm sorry, Andy hon, but you look hilarious," she said, and the whole table erupted in laughter. 

           "Well, if I knew I was going to be ridiculed on my birthday, I wouldn't have come in the first place!" I said, standing up. I wasn't hurt, because I knew that my clothes looked silly. However, I was done my cake and I didn't want to put my plate away.

           As I walked to the bathroom to find out what I looked like, I passed by Jessie. "I aged up too, Andy!" she said.

           "Happy birthday," I said with a wink.

           "Ugh," Jessie said as she walked through my stink cloud, gagging, "Andy, you really need a shower."

           Everyone chuckled again. It just wasn't my day.

           The lady who had laughed at me followed me to the bathroom, creepily enough. Nervously, I looked at my appearance. Well. Some things certainly wouldn't do. I played with my hair a little, pulling out my brush to fix it. Then I smoothed out my eyebrows. They were a little fluffy. Finally, though, I got a good look at myself. I smirked. I looked pretty hot. The lady in the bathroom thought so, too, as she couldn't keep her eyes off of me.

I just hoped Leon would think so, too.

Chapter 33: Ironing the Wrinkles Out

           I gazed steadily into the mirror, willing time to stand still. Andy's fourteenth birthday was fast approaching and he was constantly complaining of being in pain. His voice cracked quite often, and his body odour was starting to get worse. He was hitting puberty.

           Whenever I looked into his face, I still saw that of a little boy no older than nine or ten. Perhaps it was those things which bothered Andy the most, though. He often complained about not being as tall as the other boys. Instead of making Andy suffer through his puberty like I had to do, Prince and I promised to get him a cake.

           This realization of my little boy growing up made me feel old. Not the same feeling I had before, of despair and disgust. I was embracing my age. I felt wiser. Perhaps that was why I had changed my makeup and hair. Instead of looking like I was holding onto the little bit of youth I had, I simply looked like-well, a mom. Ironically, though, my new appearance actually made me look younger than before.

           I eventually got out of my trance and went downstairs to prepare myself a sandwich. Sandy was busy putting a bowl away in the dishwasher. She had been complaining of growing pains as well. She had to wear a bra, and I felt bad for her because she had to wait another year before Prince and I could give her cake. Buzz was shorter than Sandy and only got the occasional voice crack.

           "Oh, crap," Sandy said with a groan. Prince snapped his laptop shut and stood up. I glanced down at the water covered floor. 
           "I'll leave you two to deal with this," I snickered, quickly grabbing some ingredients to make my breakfast.
           "You're the handy one, Cind!" Prince protested as I hummed to myself, preparing my meal.
           "Exactly. Time for you to learn some skills, Prince," I said.
           He glared at me. "Sandy, can you grab a mop? I suppose that I can repair the dishwasher. Next time, don't put all of your body weight on the dishwasher door, hon," he said stiffly.
           "Sorry, dad, I just needed to reach the inside," Sandy said, giving Prince big puppy dog eyes. She had him wrapped around her little finger.
           "It's alright, you made a mistake. Just don't do it next time," he said in a kinder voice.

           I stood by the window facing the outdoors, munching happily on my sandwich. I hadn't done much to get my career on the road. That day, though, I would start. I would sing for tips, like all famous artists start out. It wasn't much, and probably wasn't something fit for a queen, but I didn't really care. I would make my voice known, one way or another. If not me, then perhaps my children, and if not them, then my grandchildren. One of us would become a star by working hard, even if it took ten generations of Casmins to do it.

           "Hey bud," I said, traveling into the dining room where I found Andy eating a bowl of Rice Krispies. "Almost done?" I sat next to while I waited for him to finish up.
           "Naw," he said, and took another big gulp of cereal.
           "Something bothering you?"
           He glanced over at me and took another bite of cereal. I waited patiently for him to swallow. "I... I know you asked me to never bring it up again until I was old enough to understand, mom, but I think I'm old enough."
           "Come again?" I had no idea what he was talking about.
           "About me being gay," he said with a sigh.
           "Are you gay, then?"
           He put down his spoon. "I'm pretty sure I am. No, I'm positive that I am. I have feelings towards guys I see, especially one boy in my class."
           "What's his name?" I said excitedly, momentarily forgetting about what was bothering him.
           Andy burned bright red. "It doesn't matter... It's just... You understand, right? And you accept me being gay?"
           "Right."
           "I just need dad to understand. I want to talk to him about it, today. Do you think he'll flip?"
           "No. But you do need to tell him that you're gay. Don't leave it to me."
           "Okay. Well, thanks mom."
           "I haven't done anything that a mom wouldn't do! Now, pass me your bowl, I need to wash it in the sink because Sandy broke the dishwasher."

           I quickly washed the dishes, then returned to the kitchen to dry them. I found Sandy sweeping away at the water mess, to no avail.
           "Oh, Sandy sweetie, as long as the dishwasher's still broken, you're going to keep getting water," I explained, gently taking the Swiffer away.
           "Mom, I'm so sorry," she said sadly, her lip quivering.
           "Sandy darling, you don't need to get upset over something silly like this! Why don't you go tend your baking stand? How about this-if you make any money, daddy and I will take today's profits and that will cover the dishwasher incident. Sound good?"
           Sandy chuckled. "I am twelve you know, mom. You don't need to talk to me like I'm eight!"
           I bit my lip to refrain from telling her that she still looked like she was eight. "Sorry. Hurry up and make some money!"
           Sandy gave me a thumbs up and left the room. Kids. So unpredictable.

           I gathered the remaining dirty dishes from the kitchen and took them into the bathroom to scrub them. The kitchen sink should've been for that use, except for the fact that it was soaking a few dishes already.
           Surprisingly, I didn't find all of the scrubbing and washing as dreadful as I had anticipated. I had assumed that after all of my childhood years of washing dishes that I would detest the chore, but I actually found it calming and relaxing. Of course, it wasn't something I wanted to get into a regular habit of doing.

           "What are you looking at, Sandy?" I called to her, finding her seated in the living room.
           "I'm reading the paper to check for price drops or increases in ingredients such as chocolate, sugar, and vanilla," she explained.
           She was such a little smarty. "If you're looking for me, I'll be getting ready for the day," I said. I felt a little guilty that my children were ready before me. Except for Buzz. I hadn't seen him yet.

           I scrubbed quickly, not wanting to waste much time. I wasn't exactly thrilled about the whole singing for tips idea, but it couldn't be any less embarrassing than the sing-a-grams. One lesson I wanted to teach my kids was that if they wanted to be big in life, they had to earn it the hard way. I wasn't about to get singing gigs just because I was the king's wife. Speaking of which, Prince and I had agreed to not refer to our children as princes and princesses. The age of ruling was coming to an end, and being royal was just a title. There was no escape from the rules unless one wanted to be disowned or not receive any sort of money. I didn't mind. I came from a life of cleaning and rule-abiding ways; I was used to such a lifestyle. It would be rather ungrateful to try and leave the family name because of a squabble or annoyances.

           I got out of the tub and changed into my normal clothes, and packed my sing-a-gram outfit for later. Then I tip-toed into Buzz's room and shook him awake. "Buzz? Buzz, sweetie, wake up."
           "What? Mom, it's the weekend..." he grumbled, rolling over. I pulled the sheets off of him. 
           "Too bad!"
           "Crud! Mom, no, it's cold, give me my covers back," he mumbled, trying to pull them back. I put them on the bed underneath him, the one that Andy slept in. I recalled how when they were younger, Andy was supposed to get the top bunk. But he didn't. Oops. He had never mentioned it again and it had completely slipped my mind for several years.
           "It's nearly eleven, you slug. I'm going to hate trying to wake you up once you become a teenager," I said with a sigh, leaving Buzz to wake up. As I left the room, I passed by some posters on the wall. I had helped the kids redecorate their rooms throughout the years, purchasing new things that they liked at their birthdays. We had only recently put everything up. Buzz had insisted on the posters-a blonde bombshell in a tight green dress with long legs ending in red heels and a poster of a striking dirty blonde lady. It was obvious that Buzz was straight, and he had a type.

           "Dad, can I talk to you?"
           I briefly glanced into the family room. Prince was seated on the white bench, Andy was facing him. I knew what the conversation was about.
           "Sure."
           I turned my attention to the dishwasher which my husband had failed to repair. I could innocently eavesdrop since the kitchen was attached to the small family room.

           I pried off the bottom part of the dishwasher and took out my handy dandy wrench, eager to find the problem. "First of all, I'm going to ask you if you can just sit and not talk, dad."
           "You sound serious!" Prince said with a chuckle.
           "I am serious," Andy said, and Prince fell silent. "It's about my sexual orientation. Don't say a word! But, I'm gay."

**Andy's POV**

           Although my voice was steady and my hands were still, my stomach was filled with butterflies. I had no idea how my dad was going to react. I didn't want to know. I was pretty sure that he was homophobic, regardless of what mom said. But he needed to know because I was gay, and it wasn't a choice or a statement or a call for attention. I liked boys and that was it.

           "I know that you and mom are married. You're a male and female and you can have children. And I know that me being gay means that I won't be able to have children with my future husband. But I can still have children. I know that it's uncommon to have a homosexual prince. But it doesn't mean that I'm less than a straight person or that I'm unworthy to bear the name of 'Charming'." I held my breath, willing for dad to not lose his cool.

           He smirked. "Why are you smiling?! Say something!" I snapped. Oops. So much for not losing my cool.

           "Andy, how could you ever think that I'd think less of you?" dad said, taking me completely by surprise.

           "Well, uh, a while back you told me that it wasn't right to be gay..." I muttered, trying to recall his words.

           "It's a complicated issue, Andy. Are you sure you want to hear it?"

           "Of course."

           He eyed me, then looked forward and started what seemed to be a rehearsed speech. "In simple terms, we can only pass on the title to you if you provide children that can bear the title themselves, when the time comes. And your children can only bear the title if they come from a married mother and father. Either the mother or the father has to come from the royal family, obviously. So you can't be the heir, which means Buzz gets it."

           Although I was pleased that my dad wasn't upset that I was gay, I couldn't understand the reasoning of the heirship or whatever it was called. Besides, Buzz? Be king? No way. He would not stand for that. However, I didn't want to get into a big debate with my father.

           "What if I married a woman, had a child with her, divorced her, and married a man I really loved and brought up a child of my own?" Even as the words were emerging from my mouth, I knew that I was speaking of a possibility I would never even consider. Dad seemed to realize this, as he raised his eyebrow at me.

           "I don't think you'd ever do that. Don't worry about it though, Andy. Your mom and I have already inquired about changing the laws around that. Times are changing and people are really starting to accept homosexual people. Maybe one day we can finally change things around here for good."

           "Amen to that," I sighed, shaking my head. Dad got up, so I stood up as well.

           "And so, Andy, I salute you," dad said, and did. "For being brave enough to be open about this, and for being the first openly gay Charming. Technically Casmin, actually," he considered.

           "Thanks dad, for your support. I appreciate it," I said gratefully, and to my surprise, dad swept down and engulfed me with a hug.

           "If anyone ever dares bully or tease you, tell me straight away. I'll make sure the little punk knows his place," dad said into my ear.

           "Dad, I'm a prince! No one makes fun of me ever!" I laughed. It was true. None of the kids at my school would do that, anyway.

           "Good luck, my boy. You may need it," he said, before letting go of me and sitting at his computer. "I've had the biggest brainstorm for my latest book just now, so go empty the garbage or something," he said, completely changing the subject and zoning out. I admired his ways of not worrying and not wondering.

           To celebrate my joy of achieving my dad's praise, I ran outside and climbed up my treehouse. I loved it so much. There wasn't much to it, but it was where I could think and plan and search. Maybe I was like Sandy in that aspect. But being in a submarine wasn't realistic to me. Sailing the seas in a pirate ship, perhaps? Ah, yes, that was appealing. I wasn't afraid of heights, and while I wasn't much of a risk-taker like Buzz, I did love a good challenge now and then.

           I pulled myself up the last rung and stepped inside. My escape from the hassles of the everyday life, my world of fun and imagination. I kept a journal locked away in my treehouse. Today, I would write all about my conversation with dad.

           "Jessie! C'mon up!" I called to her, knowing that she was nearby. Normally I didn't let Jessie come up into my treehouse because I wrote about her in my journal, but I was in such a good mood that I didn't care. I didn't understand how I felt about Jessie. She wasn't like normal girls. Well, that was obvious. She had a body made out of fabric for crying out loud. But her personality was different. She didn't read cheesy romance books or giggle when around boys. She didn't obsess over herself or whine about how she wasn't real or how she didn't go to school. She accepted who she was and she helped me accept who I was. Jessie was the girl I went to with my problems. She was my best friend. I didn't think of her as my sister though. I still got embarrassed when she walked in on me changing. So did she.

           Even my own sister was girly-er than Jessie. My sister painted her nails, did her hair, and wore fancy dresses. She experimented with makeup, saying that she wanted to be ready when the time came. Jessie, on the other hand, agreed with me when she said that makeup was a cover up. I couldn't be sure if that was her actual opinion though, since she obviously had no need for makeup. She admitted to me that once I returned her to human form, she would probably wear some makeup to accentuate any natural beauty she had.

           "You're beautiful the way you are," I said.

           She looked down. "I look like a doll," she said sadly.

           "I'm talking about your personality." She had smiled and looked away.

           I pushed these thoughts from my mind and concentrated on playing. I held up the telescope to my eye. "Land ho, matey!" I cried, grinning as I searched the waters behind the treehouse. 

           "Aye aye, captain!" Jessie called, playing along.

           Jessie rummaged around in the treehouse before pretending to throw something out the window. "Captain, I've let the anchor down!" 

           "But lassie, you've let it go right through the ship! Look at that hole in the floor! Abandon ship! Abandon ship!" Giggling, I raced over to the slide and slid down. "Every man for himself!"

           When I reached the bottom of the slide, I remembered that dad had told me to do empty the trash can. I was in such a great mood that I did, and very willingly.

           I held the trash above the can, reveling in the moment. There was something special about the moment, despite the fact that the smell emitting from the plastic black bag was brutal. I hadn't done much in my life. I was only a young kid. Starting high school. I still looked like a fifth grader, but that would change. I let the bag fall into the can. I would go talk to Sandy. 

           "Hey, Sandy," I said, finally finding her on the third floor, mixing batter in a small bowl.

           "Hey, Dee," she replied, concentrating on her task at hand.

           I sat on the floor, folding my legs under me, watching her work. "So, Sandy, any boys you like in your class?"

           "Dee, I don't want to talk about this with you," she said with a sigh.

           "I thought I was your best friend?"

           "You are, but-"

           "And best friends share everything, right?"

           "They do, but-"

           "I'm gay."

           "WHAT?!"

           "You're just going to pop that on me? No warning?" she said, annoyed. She poured her bowl out into a pan and spread it around. 

           "Is it all that important? I like guys, you like guys, Buzz likes girls. Don't see what the big problem is," I said nonchalantly. 

           "The problem is that I'm finding out now in the middle of a weird conversation." Sandy rammed the pan into the mini child-safe oven, ticked off. "I'm cool with it and stuff, but you can't just drop that on me."

           "Well, I did, and I can't change what I said, okay? I just don't want it to be a big deal."

           Sandy sighed. "It's not a big deal. But next time, just tell me, okay?"

           "Okay."

         

           "So how long have you known?" Sandy asked, taking a seat opposite me.

           "A little while now. I've been confused for a while, though. It's difficult to know 'cause everyone is saying that girls and boys always go together. It's like if you grew up with everyone saying that girls like girls and boys like boys. Then you'd have a hard time figuring out how come you like boys."

           "I'm straight, though," she said.

           "How do you know?"

           "I like-" her face burned red. "Fine, I'll tell you, but don't tell Buzz, okay? It's Buzz's best guy friend in our class. He's kind of cute."

           I smirked. "Knew it!"

           Sandy quickly changed subjects. "Buzz is a heterosexual though, right?"

           "Oh, yeah, for sure. He can't stop talking about girls, girls, girls. Speaking of which, I'd better go talk to him now and tell him."

           "Wait!" Sandy protested, stopping me from getting up. A tiny 'ding' went off, and Sandy opened up her little oven. "You have to stay for the muffins. Blueberry."

           We sat down at the bar and munched on her blueberry muffins. "How long do you plan on selling baked goods?"

           "Only for another year. Once mom and dad get me a proper cake to age up, I'm going to get a real job or something. I like the baking, but I hate setting prices and dealing with people who treat me like a little kid. I'm telling you, I hate looking like a little kid," Sandy complained.

           "You think you have it bad? At least you're still in the younger portion of our school! The older portion has tons of kids who are all ready aged up and are all teenagers. Like, they all look like teenagers. Luckily, I don't need to wait that much longer."

           I finished up a muffin and then left her to make more muffins while I decided to find Buzz.

           "I had Rice Krispies, too!" I said, walking up behind Buzz. He muttered something, obviously still sluggish. I sat next to him, deciding that it was probably best to wait until he was finished eating and had more energy before trying to converse with him. "So, I wanted to talk to you," I said nervously. Buzz always talked to me about girls and sex, so I still wanted to be the older brother that Buzz could look up to.
           "I know, it's about the potion! I'm right on it!" Buzz cried, and bolted upstairs before I could object. I just sighed and put his cereal bowl in the sink.

           When I caught up with Buzz, he was dressed in his lab coat, clapping his gloved hands giddily. "What's up, Buzz?" I said.
           Buzz glanced over at me and grinned mischievously. "Oh, nothing, Andy, I just made a fantastic potion I heard about earlier by complete accident..." He carefully poured the neon green liquid into a smaller beaker with a lid on it.
           "What does it do?"
           "Oh, none of your concern, my dear brother," Buzz said, pocketing the potion.
           Okay then.

           "Anyway, I needed to tell you something important..." I said, watching Buzz start to mix chemicals in a new beaker.
           "Shoot."
           "I know it may come as a surprise to you, especially because I've talked to you about certain subject so often, but... I'm gay." I held my breath.
           "Gay?" Buzz said, turning his head towards me. He held a smirk on his face. "Dude, did you seriously think I didn't know that you like guys?"
           "Wha-?" I was so confused. He knew? But even I didn't know until a month or so ago!
           Buzz started laughing again. "Trust me, Andy, I've seen the way you look at certain guys. It's the same look that guys have when they look at girls."
           "Really?" But even mom and Sandy didn't know! And dad! Well, mom and dad were prepared for it because of our earlier conversations, but still...
           "Mm-hmm. Uh, but one quick question for you. Are you sure you're gay, man? You've also had a hungry eye for some pretty ladies," Buzz said, continuing to mix chemicals.
           "What? Well I like guys, so I'm gay, right?" Yet something dawned on me from a conversation mom and I had had ages ago. "What if you like both genders? Then what?" "Those people are bi-sexual."

           "Am I bi, then?" I questioned, puzzled.
           "How am I supposed to know? I'm not you, Andy. I'm just telling you that I think you like girls and guys. I'm not trying to confuse you-just the opposite, really."
           "And you...?"
           "I like dudes, dude. I mean chicks! Oh, wow, no, I promise you, I'm straight," he said, laughing. "I think girls are hot and sexy and beautiful."
           "Nice to know you judge based on appearance," I said, rolling my eyes.
           Buzz winked. "Hey, I can't help it! Ladies are pretty damn fine if I do say so myself."
           "You're pretty horny for a kid," I chuckled.
           "Watch it, I'm only a year younger than you," Buzz said. He looked around for a moment, then said, quieter, "I'll be honest with you, Andy. Although it may seem like I'm just obsessed about looks, I really don't care about that. That much, at least. I know it sounds cheesy, but I really only care about their personality. A girl who's a little wild, knows how to have fun, and lives in the heat of the moment."
           "Sounds like your type of girl," I said, knowing full well that Buzz was describing himself to a T.
           "She is..." Buzz said dreamily.
           "Wait, what?"
           "Oh well, look, I've discovered yet another potion!" Buzz said, cleverly changing the subject as he pointed to his bright blue potion. "This one is supposed to guarantee success when attempting to repair a plumbing or electrical item, so it's pretty useless to me. I'll give it to dad."

           Buzz began tidying up while I kept talking. "So, this girl you're talking about... is that the blond with green eyes that you keep talking about?"
           "Maybe," Buzz said nonchalantly, but his bright red cheeks revealed the truth.
           "Someone's got a crush!" I taunted, poking him. "What's her name?"
           "I'm not telling you," he muttered, "You'd just find out who she is and tease me relentlessly."
           "Who, me?" It was true, though. As kind of a person I could be, I was still a kid and I had my moments.
           Buzz pulled off his gloves, goggles and lab coat and stuffed it under the table. He turned towards me and let out a sudden exclamation of, "D'oh!" before smacking his forehead with the palm of his hand.
           "What was that about?"
           "I completely forgot to do some extra work on your imaginary friend transformation potion! I'm sorry, Andy," he said sadly.
           "It's okay, I'm already asking quite a bit by asking you to do this," I said, patting his shoulder.
           "Okay," he said, still looking crestfallen.
           "Cheer up! You can do my homework for me," I suggested.
           "Hahahahano. Although I will go do my own," Buzz said, and gave my a quick playful punch on the shoulder before running downstairs.

           I headed downstairs, stopping quickly on the middle floor to check my room and make sure that my homework was all done. I couldn't help but stop and look at the difference between Sandy's door and Buzz and mine. Buzz had plastered all sorts of warning signs over the red door, along with his favourite band's emblems. Sandy, on the other hand, had a pink door with white flowers running from the bottom to the doorknob. I glanced around before quickly sneaking into her room.

           I chuckled at how girly Sandy's room was. Pink and white were the main colours. Everything was something a little kid would have, besides the boy band poster in the corner. Sandy's favourite band consisted of three darker haired guys, and, off to the side, a blond that Sandy has a secret crush on. She hadn't told anybody about how much she liked this guy, not even me. But I, er, happened to stumble upon some journal entries containing Mrs. Sandy Parker. 'Parker' was the blond guy's last name. Personally, I didn't care for any of the guys. I thought that they were all fake. The majority of bands nowadays only contained artists who craved public attention, rather than singing or playing an instrument because they loved it.

           I headed downstairs to the kitchen, emptying the garbage out like dad had asked. It was good, because I felt like I was cleaning myself out from the guilt of snooping through Sandy's private things.

           I faltered before the garbage can. A raccoon, with big black eyes and everything, was staring at me. "Sh-shoo!" I cried nervously. I knew that raccoons could be vicious, so I wasn't about to make this one mad. I quietly placed the garbage bag in the can, willing the raccoon to wander away. He did. But the path he took was one right over my foot. I stood, stiff, afraid of what this raccoon was doing. Weren't they supposed to be afraid of humans? And maybe I was crazy, but I could have sworn that as he was running away, the raccoon glanced back at me-and winked.

           I heard a door slam and jumped, looking around. It was just mom getting in her car. She waved bye to me, rolling down her window. "Bye, sweetheart! Just going to sing for tips!" she called before driving away. Sing for tips? What? I decided to ask her about it once she got home.

           "So after I got changed and fixed my hair, I was preparing to lay out my tip jar and start singing, when guess who I saw!" Mom told me, later.
           "Becky?" Mom didn't have many friends, so Becky was really the only possibility.
           "How did you know? Well, yes, I saw Becky! She and I haven't been able to talk much since having kids. You know how it is. Oh, no, you don't."
           "Just continue with your story," I said, rolling my eyes.

           "Then I ran up and hugged her, of course. She was still wearing her hospital lab coat thing, so I asked her what that was all about. Apparently in her spare time, she makes house calls. I don't understand it, personally. She went on about how she was going to marry someone rich and never have to work a day in her life, but here she is, working herself to the bone! I told her she needed to take a break."

           "Becky then told me that she loved working with people and that she felt a lot better about herself because of it. She loves helping people who can't afford it. I think she's matured a lot in the last few years. We both have," mom said.
           "How so?"
           Mom gave me a look. "I gave birth to three beautiful children, went through a quarter life crisis, and you say that I haven't matured? Becky and I talked a lot about how our dreams and goals have changed. My dream is still the same, though. I don't think I'll ever accomplish it."

           "I'm working on it, though. I took the amp that I have and set it up, along with a tip jar. Then I grabbed my microphone and started belting out my favourite tunes. The park's proprietor was nearby, and I think that I might've made a good impression on her. Mind you, she did seem a little crazy, wearing a witch's hat and all."

           "Unfortunately, the park was deserted, so no one new heard me sing. Becky stuck around for support, and lo and behold, who should I hear coming up behind me?"
           "Talan Sagar?" I suggested. I had heard a lot of stories about mom's old crush.
           "Uh, no. It was the man who helped me buy all of the ingredients for your potion! Wayne Martin. He was still in his work clothes, too, but because he just got off work and, as he put it, 'Heard a beautiful angel speaking to me.' He's a sweet man."

           "Becky gave me some pity money, and that's when I decided to pack up. It was getting pretty dark out and I knew you guys would miss me," she said with a wink. "Wayne, Becky and I chatted some bit. It was really nice just talking to two of my best friends for a while, catching up and just talking. Your aunt is doing well," mom said, referring to dad's half-sister, Jodi, "But I wouldn't know. I've never even met her before. Maybe when she's an adult we can all meet her."

           "At that point, though, we all had to run, so we hugged and said our goodbyes. I know, not exactly the most exciting afternoon, but I really feel like I've accomplished something for once," mom said, and I smiled to show my support.

           Rewinding back to when mom sped off in the car. I whipped out the cell that mom and dad had given me and I made a few calls, preparing for my party. I didn't have too many friends, so I only ended up inviting two of my friends. My birthday wasn't for another month or so, so I just phoned them to work my party around whatever times they could go. We finally decided that a Friday after school would work the best.

           I caught Buzz setting up a trap on the toilet as I walked in to pee. "What's this?" I said suspiciously, hands on my hips.
           Buzz smiled. "Don't tell anyone, 'k? 'K. Bye." He left without letting me get a word in. I sighed and peered around the toilet, but I couldn't see anything different. I even opened up the toilet tank's lid and looked inside, but I didn't know the inside of the toilet well enough to see if anything was off. To stay on the safe side, I used another washroom.

           It wasn't the first nor last time I caught Buzz pulling a prank, though. His favourite trick was loading the shower up with food colouring. It was weird, though-whenever he used a toilet or sink or shower that he had set up, he never got splashed or dyed hair. Actually, maybe he got dyed hair and washed it out, but as for the sink part... Once, dad caught Buzz in the middle of setting up a sink for a trap, and when he told Buzz to use the sink to wash his hands, the water worked fine! However, when dad turned the taps on the same was Buzz had, he got sprayed! Mom always chuckled and went, "That's my boy," when she learned about these events.

           Despite the balls that it took to pull off these pranks countless times, Buzz was still afraid of monsters, and check under the bottom bunk constantly for them.
           "I see them!" Buzz cried fearfully.
           "Buzz, monsters don't exist," I sighed, yet again.
           He shot me a dirty look. "Don't give me that bull, Andy. Vampires, werewolves-they exist! These are just small monsters."
           I still didn't know why Buzz had a fear of monsters, so I decided that it was time to convince him that monsters weren't real.

           Buzz climbed up the ladder (now in his pajamas) up to the top bunk, which had been promised to me. I had decided not to make a big fuss about it though, because it wasn't such a big deal. "Buzz, can I talk to you?"
           "Sure thing, Dee," he said. He didn't normally call me 'Dee'. That was Sandy's thing. She didn't like how much our name's sounded alike, so she called me 'Dee' for short. Buzz didn't give nicknames to anyone because his name was too short for a nickname. We could always call him 'Buzzy', but that seemed lame.

           "Listen, Buzz, I don't want you checking under the bed anymore for monsters," I said with a sigh, sitting on my own bed.
           "How else am I supposed to know if there're monsters?"
           "Buzz, you're twelve. You talk about sex and girls. It's time to face the facts that monsters don't live under your bed. Our bunk bed," I explained.
           "What are you saying?"        
           "You need to be more mature. Have you ever seen a monster?"
           "No."
           "Then?"
           "Have you ever seen Jessie?" he pouted.
           "Yes."
           "What? Really?"
           "Yeah. She's not invisible, Buzz. When you make that potion I'll prove that she's real."
           "Okay. Well, I'll stop then. For you, I guess. Goodnight, Andy."
           "Night, Buzz."

           I wasn't ready for bed, though, so I walked downstairs to fix myself a snack. While I browsed for possible food choices, I caught dad sitting in the dining room, alone, eating a bowl of soup. "Dad, I managed to convince Buzz that monsters aren't real," I announced.
           He raised his eyebrows at me. "Yeah? It's about time. He won't even listen to me talk. I told him that girls didn't like boys that were afraid of monsters."
           I shrugged. "I dunno, I think he knows that they aren't real, but he wants something to believe in, like..." I trailed off, not wanting to continue my sentence. Dad looked at me. I knew that Buzz looked up at me, and he saw that I talked about Jessie all the time. She was real, though. Monsters weren't.

           I ladled some soup into my own bowl, and sat down at the kitchen counter. All of this sorting out emotions stuff made me hungry. Leon was the boy. He had lovely, tanned skin, well manicured pale blond hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and a sly grin that could make my knees shake. He was older than me, but not by too much. I knew that my feelings weren't completely one sided, because we often exchanged cheeky winks and dirty jokes. I remember once, we had an hour long conversation about our names. 'Andy Casmin' wasn't the oddest name, really, but Leon teased me about how my little sister was named 'Sandy'. It was nothing compared to Leon's full name, though-Leon DeLeon. He swore that his parents were setting him up for a life full of bullying when they named him Leon.
           "Have you ever been bullied?" I asked him one day at lunch.
           He shrugged. "Not really. But there's been plenty of name calling. Of course, because of my-er, flamboyant nature, I have met the bad some side of some boys. 'Fag' is the preferred name, of course," Leon said, looking at his sandwich. "I suppose you know what I'm talking about, though?"
           This was before I was positive I was gay. I had never been bullied though, because I was a prince and went to a good school. "No, not really. Doesn't 'fag' just mean cigarette, though?"
           Leon's eyes widened and he whistled. "Man, have you ever been sheltered!" He went on to teach me the intended meaning of the word.

           I shook my head clear of thoughts of my crush and put my dishes away. I headed upstairs to check up on Sandy. "You're trying it out?" I said in shock as I caught Sandy experimenting with the chemistry table.
           She looked over at me guiltily. "I'm not trying to make a potion to turn your imaginary friend real, if that's what you're hoping for. But I do want to try the chemicals and stuff."
           I just shook my head. "I hope you know what you're doing, because you're kind of being a hypocrite." After all she had yapped on about when it came to using the chemistry set!
           "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I can do what I want. Bye, Andy."
           She would be such a brat once she became a teenager.

           I glanced out the window and noticed a bright, rainbow umbrella. I traveled downstairs to the front yard to investigate. Loud rain thundered down all around me, and I squinted as I tried to locate the person holding the umbrella. "Jessie? Is that you?"
           "Hey, Andy. I'm just enjoying the rain," she said cheerily.
           "Enjoying the rain?! Jessie, get inside, it's freezing!" I spluttered, wiping the rain off of my head. I crouched down under the umbrella to protect myself from the downpour. Because of this, I was standing uncomfortable close to Jessie, our chests brushing. The umbrella created a sort of sound barrier from the rain, and I could hear her a lot better.
           "Andy, I have a question," Jessie said, looking up at the rain, away from my eyes.
           "What is it? You're acting kind of funny."
           She avoided my stare, twirling the umbrella in her hands. "Do you have a crush on... a boy?"
           I tried to make eye contact with Jessie, but she was frantically looking everywhere except me. "Yeah... How do you know?"
           "So are you gay, then?" Jessie asked, completely ignoring my question.
           "I think so," I said, confused. Why did she care?
           "Oh. Okay."
           I heard a loud crashing noise and a boom. "Jessie, see you later, got to go," I said to her, and sprinted through the rain back into the house.

           "Sandy, what did I tell you?" I said with a sigh. She was covered in an all-too familiar black ash.
           "Just shut up," she snarled, pushing me out of the way. I sighed and went to clean up her mess. Sandy had a very high IQ, apparently-I heard my parents talking about it. Over one hundred and sixty, apparently, which meant that Sandy was considered to be a genius. This shocked me, frankly. Sandy is bright and all, but she doesn't seem cleverer than the next person. I made sure never to tell Sandy. I didn't know what my or Buzz's IQ was, but I knew that neither of us had an IQ of near one hundred and sixty. If Buzz ever found out, he could be devastated-he and Sandy were twins, after all. Buzz was fairly competitive, and this was one thing that Buzz couldn't change.

           I peeled off my wet clothes and climbed into bed, exhausted. Buzz slept soundlessly above me, occasionally letting out a small grunt or sigh. The sound of the rain was soothing, but sleep did not come easily to me. I couldn't stop thinking about all of the day's events. I was now unsure of my sexual orientation (again), and just when my dad had come to understand it. Jessie was acting odd, and I didn't know how I felt about her. When I aged up, would I know? Would my feelings change? Or would they just get strong?

My thoughts plagued me as I tossed and turned in my bed, unable to rest.