Chapter 62: French Flings

Unlike during our excursion to Egypt, this time I was determined to spend time alone in France and each morning, I would wake before dawn and fish, windsurf, and snorkel to my heart's content.
    Charles used this opportunity away from home, and his previous love interests, to form new, fleeting bonds. On only our first night in France, Leah reported witnessing Charles getting a taste for local culture.

It was around this time that father decided he needed to have 'the talk' with Charles. My parents had never explained anything to us regarding relationships and human intimacy. Leah and I were both smart and didn't need explanations as to the basics. Charles, on the other hand, was liable to making some foolish error that would results in trips to the clinic, and possibly even an unwanted child.

After all of the drama from back home, Leah decided to have some good, wholesome fun. She was engaging with locals, learning the language, trying new food, and taking up Charles' duty as William's elder sibling. I had never seen them interact much before, but every night that I came home, I would find the two of them together, playing tag, pillow fighting, or sharing stories.

    It seemed like Francina's words had been getting to Leah, and she was trying to make up for it by being a better sister to William. I had a feeling this burst of kindness wouldn't last once she saw Jo again.

Charles, on the other hand, had no concept of morality, and was trying to add more romantic encounters to his life as if adding tallies to a score sheet. Perhaps it was the French way of greeting with a kiss, but he was enamoured with every girl he came across in France.

Mother and father were using this excursion as an anniversary trip, and decided to make the most of it by visiting a vineyard and trying their hand (or feet, I suppose) at making wine. And most importantly, at drinking wine.

My parents had always allowed me mouthfuls of wine growing up, and I was interested in the process of winemaking, so I secretly visited the winery and followed the procedure to make my own wine. When it came to the crushing portion, I thought it would be wiser to wear my swimming equipment to avoid getting wet and staining my clothes.

    This turned out to be a poor idea, and my rubbery fins cause me to slip and fall hard into the fruity concoction. 

However, being the inquisitive sort, I took it upon myself to modify the mixing procedure, upgrade the equipment, and reduce the amount of crushing that needed to be done. The second round went much smoother (especially as I went barefoot this time) and I managed to make my own wine.

I was concerned concerned about my parents discovering that I had made wine, and in another stroke of genius, I thought it best to drink the entire bottle that I had just made. After about an hour, my body decided it didn't agree with my decision, and I spent the rest of the night making friends with communal toilet. I had felt inclined to sanitize my entire body.

It wouldn't have been a bad idea for Charles to sanitize, either, after all the women he shared spit with. At the end of our trip, after a long flight back home of Charles complaining of a sore throat and hacking up his lungs, we found out that he had gotten mononucleosis. All of us gave him a sarcastic commendation on his achievements. 

But it wouldn't be a Casmin vacation without at least one curse, near death by fire, or intense electrocution. All three of us received the same fate, all three of us survived, and we all agreed not to tell mother, father, or William where we had gone. The truth was, even though I wasn't particularly fond of my siblings, going on an adventure with Leah and Charles was unbeatable.

But the rest of our adventure wouldn't continue for many more years.

Chapter 61: Jealousy

I managed to escape from my situation fairly unscathed. The mummy attacked me, but one punch was enough to knock me flat on my back. Somehow, my exhaustion and inability to stand caused the mummy to leave me alone. Or maybe it thought I was dead. Either way, it clearly didn't care for my poking around its territory.

When I regained consciousness, I found my siblings caught in the midst of danger themselves. Although I came to their aid, it was not long before Leah had caught fire. I managed to extract my siblings from the situation, pulling us out of the tomb and sweeping the rocks off the pedestals. I smashed one of the pedestals to the best of my abilities, to prevent anyone from making the same mistakes as us.

    Stacked with treasure, safe from fire, Charles was as happy as a clam. I changed into my usual clothing, washing off in the ocean—sea.

 

"Why did you pack an extra set of clothing?" Leah asked.

    "Isn't that obvious? I couldn't go back to the campsite wearing my adventurous gear. If mother and father saw me wearing that, they would know we had gotten up to something. Didn't you bring a change of clothes?"

    Charles and Leah exchanged a glance.

   "No..." Leah sighed. "Mum is going to see me like this and ground me for the rest of my life."

   "Probably!" Charles laughed. "I don't think she'll be suspicious with me wearing this. It's in character."

    "What should I do, Phil?"

    "There's nothing we can do. Let's get back to camp as fast as possible. If you're lucky, you won't run into mother. While you shower, I'll fetch clean clothing for you. Charles can distract her and father."

When we arrived at the campsite, Leah high-tailed it to the washroom to shower. The moment she swung the door open, I felt my heart drop.

    "Leah, no!" I cried, but it was too late. She ran right into our mother, and there was no saving her from that. Leaving Leah to her fate, I left to cook myself a proper meal. 

    "Oh, Phil! You're cooking dinner? That's so sweet!" mother said, floating behind me. She seemed surprisingly cheerful, despite her encounter with my sister.

    "Um, yes, I am. Is everything okay?"

    "Of course! Are you referring to your sister? Everything's fine!"

    "So you're not going to punish her?"

    As I spoke, the faucet mother turned on sputtered and sprayed all over her, showering my backs with droplets of water. Mother turned off the taps, furious and soaking. "I didn't say that. She's in trouble, all right. I don't suppose you have any part in this?"

    "I didn't touch the sink!" I pleaded, faking ignorance. Before she could clarify her words, I swept up my salad in a bowl and carried it away to eat with father. 

Somehow, Leah managed to avoid punishment. Perhaps mother was simply not as strong about discipline as she wanted to be, but I believed that the years of getting in trouble had taught Leah how to grovel. 

    She had mastered the puppy dog eyes, wounded expression, and words of remorse. It was an intelligent manipulation technique. I would have to ask her for tips some time. 

Regardless, Leah's cleaned up appearance likely assured mother of her safety, and her repeated promises to never engage in such dangerous activities lead mother to forgive her. It helped that she threw her brothers under the bus, claiming that we had forced her into it. What baloney.

    After the day's adventure, we curbed the rest of our week's activities to swimming, canoeing, and other waterside activities. At the end of the day, all of us had fulfilled our desires for the vacation, and returned home happier than we had left.

Activities returned back to normal. William had survived Francina's care (or torture), and Charles made sure to spoil him with love. Time passed without significant events. William grew older, Leah and Charles, more provocative, and I devoted myself entirely to academics. 

When the winter break rolled around, we were all sorely in need of some fun. Leah and Charles were never in short supply of that. They ganged up on me and made me promise to stay for the party, otherwise mother and father wouldn't allow it. Groaningly, I accepted. The pair immediately whipped out their phones to invite guests, call catering services (delivery pizza) and guarantee that only the coolest kids would be at the party. 

The usuals were in attendance—Jo, Jon, Marion, and Charles' latest ladies of choice, Rosalie and Mandy. The only reason I recalled their names was because Charles begged me to distract Jon while he put the moves on the other ladies.
    "Why didn't you just not invite Jon?" I asked, annoyed.
    "It'd be less fun that way!"
    Uninterested in involving myself with the ethical scruples of my brother, I heeded his request so that I would have some goal of the evening. After all, it's not like Jon and my brother had ever called themselves boyfriends or claimed to be exclusive, so in terms of morality, I was sacrificing nothing in helping my brother.

    "How are you liking the party so far?" I probed. Jon had asked me to dance. I didn't have much sense of rhythm, but I wasn't necessarily the worst. I simply copied his motions.

    Jon nodded towards Jo and Leah sloppily making out in the corner. "Not too bad."

    "Oh, I didn't know you were also bi."

    He raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you were."

    "I'm not! But Charles is."

    "I think he's pan."

     I forwent the opportunity to probe him on the technicalities of each term and turned the attention away from my brother. "I admit that high school romances aren't exactly at the top of my list of interests."

    Jon shrugged. "There's not exactly a lot of variety in this town anyway. The gene pool is getting pretty small. Maybe it's best for you to hold off until you're elsewhere."

    "That's true. Besides, I'm sure everyone in town will have been with one of my siblings at one point or another."

   Jon stopped dancing and took a step back towards the living room. "What do you mean by that? Isn't William too young for that kind of thing? And Leah and Jo are steady."

    I pulled him back a bit more forcefully than I had intended. "Perhaps it was rude of me to speak so presumptuously. I don't talk to my siblings much about such things. I'd rather not know, you see."

    "Charlie never talks about me?"

    "Er, passingly, of course. But not of... exploits or anything like that." I made a face.

    Jon laughed, then, in a condescending tone, replied, "You're probably not the right audience for that sort of thing anyway."

    I shrugged, and seeing an opportunity to leave, took my chance. "I'll speak to you soon. I must eat now."

High school exams took place a few weeks after winter break, and my siblings weren't going to be caught slacking off. Even at a party they were hosting. Leah was leading the study group, Jo not far behind. Francina and Charles, despite their mutual hatred, were both similar in terms of mathematical abilities and struggled.

    "Boy, you guys are stupid!" William added. 

    The room ignored him.

    I ate my spaghetti happily. My special program meant that my schedule was different, and all of my exams took place at the very end of the school-year. Still, that was no reason to slack off.

Once Jo and Leah finished their studying for the night, Leah immediately removed her clothing and swept Jo into her arms for another passionate make-out session. I forced William to go upstairs and locked him in his room. Although I didn't want to return to the party, it was best that I was there to avoid any major catastrophes, so I grabbed my laptop and headed back down.

    My few moments of disappearance were enough to cause some major drama to occur.

Charles, apparently having satisfied himself with Rosalie, had now moved on to Mandy. My eye was fairly unpolished when it came to women, but even I could see that Rosalie was a far better catch than Mandy. Artfully applied makeup, hygienic hair, and a clean complexion. One might even overlook her nose piercing in favour of her attractive bust. 

    Mandy, in comparison, had clownish makeup, bedraggled hair, over-plucked eyebrows, and a decisively less than fortunate complexion, although one couldn't really fault her for that. 

    The outrage of Charles picking a skanky woman over themselves was too much for Rosalie and Jon to bear. The two of them cried out against Charles' flirtations. But their calls fell on deaf ears.

Charles simply did not give, to use that delightful colloquial term, a rat's ass about either of his past conquests. He planted his lips right on Mandy's, likely ingesting great quantities of her shiny pink lipstick. In such low quantities, it would cause him no great bodily harm, simply the shame of having a face smeared with lipstick. Without the proper makeup remover, he would find it very difficult to show up to school the next day without being ridiculed.

    So, of course, I did what any good brother would do, and hid all of mother's makeup remover. After such a noisy and disruptive night, even I was due for a bit of fun.

Francina's role in that night was fairly uneventful. After a night of seeing her best friend tonguing Jo, Francina jealously wanted to spend time with Leah. Given the terrible influence they both have on each other, their idea of hanging out was hardly enviable. That night, Leah ran into my room crying, and not long after, Charles stormed into my room, absolutely furious. After trying my best to calm them both down, I managed to get the full story from them.

Leah and Francina's night had started off pleasantly enough. They skated in the park together, but quickly grew bored and their mischievous sides demanded something greater. 

    Francina grabbed a carton of eggs from the store—never mind the unlimited credit cards both she and Leah had, nor the fact that we owned the store, somehow she felt it was necessary to steal. Then, coming upon a neighbour's house, Leah opted for the classic doorbell ditch. Francina obviously had other plans, and belted an egg at the door. 

"You're on your own," Leah had said, before running away in a fit of giggles. 

    "Don't bail!" Francina balked, already palming another egg.

    When the neighbour arrived at the door, he noticed Leah's blue tinted hair fleeing the crime scene and instantly identified her as a Casmin.

"Leah, I see you!" he had chuckled, staring at where Leah had hid. She giggled, but said nothing. The man simply shook his head. "Kids these days."

    Francina, sensing the trouble she was about to get into, broke the eggs in her nerves, returning the attention back to herself.

"But you, Missy," he had snarled, rearing on Francina, "you're actually causing property damage! What kind of prank is this? And such a waste of eggs! You've gone too far! I'm phoning the police!"

    Leah, in both nerves and her twisted sense of humour, couldn't stop cackling at this turn of events. Francina's protests did nothing to soothe the man's anger.

"Why didn't you help me?!" Francina groaned, meeting up with Leah.

   "Aw, what could I do?" Leah managed between fits of giggles.

    "This isn't funny! You have your family's connections. And pretty privilege. You should have said something."

    Leah simply shrugged. "Exactly. I've got more of a reputation to connect. Thanks for taking the fall, doll."

Leah simply returned this with a glare. When the police officer showed up to collect Francina, she went without resistance, leaving Leah in the rain.

    When they got back home, chaos broke out.

    "I just spent three hours with the police! And I had to pay a fine of five hundred dollars! They told me if I do anything again, I'll get a night. I can't believe you!" Francina yelled at Leah.

    "Stop blaming me! It was your idea to throw the eggs. Besides, that money is my family's. Don't forget that you're living here on our dime. Be more appreciative."

    "I have the same right to be here as you do! Don't forget that. You know, I think hanging out with Jo has changed you. You're such a priss now, and you care what other people think."

"And maybe you don't care enough what other people think!" Leah snapped. "You might have lost weight, but everyone still thinks you're a fat girl!"

    I cringed as Leah recounted this, and she broke down in more tears. A few minutes passed before I was able to encourage her to continue.

    Francina was shocked by this malice. "You bitch! I worked hard to lose that weight! And you know what? I looked that way because you wanted me to. It's not my fault that you wanted a fat friend to feel better about yourself! You talk yourself up a lot, but I know that you're just hiding all of your raging body issues and personal flaws. I know the truth! I know you're just a loser!"

    Leah pushed Francina away from her, and snarled, "Then why do you want to be with me so badly? Huh? Admit it! I see the way you look at Jo and I. It's the same look you get when you eye a cheeseburger or another one of your fat-ass foods! Lust, hunger, desire, all the same thing! You're jealous of Jo, I know it. You can't stand that I'm not attracted to you. That's why you lost all that weight! Well, too bad, because you've still got all the charm of expired tofu. I would rather drop dead than ever be with you."

    With this, Francina ran away. Personally, I was more interested in Leah's choice of insults. Expired tofu is pretty mild smelling, just a bit sour. Regardless, it wasn't the least charming thing one could be.

    After this barrage of insults, this was when Leah broke down and ran to me. Charles took the opportunity to continue the story. Leah ran out of the house and sprinted down the street, where she ran into Charles.

"Watch where you're going!" he had yelled. 

    "Oh, I'm sorry, am I too fat? Is my body so huge that it knocks you over wherever I go?" she snapped.

    Charles shook his head, bewildered. "What? I don't know what you're talking about. You ran right into me. Apologize!"

    Francina smirked. 

"I'm soooooo sorry, Charlie. Sorry for your uneven eyebrows, pubey goatee, insatiable horniness. It must be sooooo hard to be you, seeing how you're the slut of the school." 

    Charles had been shocked by the unheeded mocking. "If I'm such a slut, then why am I so repelled by you, besides your bad hair dye job, horrible personality, and status as the least liked person in school?"

    Francina rolled her eyes. "How did you like the taste of my tongue in your mouth? Bet you were dying for more, but you knew I was off limits because of my friendship with your sister."

"You call that a friendship? You follow her around like a mutt and do everything she commands. 'Francina, comb my hair. Francina, do my homework. Francina, change yourself so you look more like Jo!'"

    "What the hell is that supposed to mean, you bastard?!"

    "Do I need to spell it out for you, dumbass? You would love nothing more than to be able to lick Leah's feet. You probably kissed me so you could kiss someone with the same genes as Leah. Side note: mine are way better."

    "She's my best friend! I won't apologize for wanting to spend time with her."

    "Don't lie! You're too obvious, just from the way you look at her. The only reason you kissed guys was to throw her off her track. I bet when she started dating Jo, you were jubilant that she liked girls. Unfortunately for you, she only likes hot girls."

This was the last straw for Francina. She smack him across the head and lunged at him, fists flailing and knee aimed for his crotch.

    It was all Charles could do to try and dodge her attacks. She had the advantage, he was dizzied, and her newfound exercise routine had made her extraordinarily buff.

   By this time, Leah's tears had dried and she was thoroughly invested in Charles' side of the story. "Did she get hurt?"

   Charles and I rolled our eyes at this question. I held my tongue from questioning her motives. Why she was fond of Francina, I would never know.

    "No. She kicked my ass and spat on me, too. I never want to see that bitch again."

"That would be the best course of action," I agreed. "Stay as far away from her as possible. And Leah..."

    She looked at me with watery eyes. "Yes?"

    "Apologize, once she cools off. I don't have a doubt that she'll forgive you. But keep more distance from her, too."

   Charles and Leah both took my advice, and the rest of the night, Leah and Francina talked quietly in Leah's room, making amends.

    Unfortunately for Charles, the next morning on the way to school, the bus driver decided to seat them next to each other.

They were silent the entire time, although Charles texted me "I want to die" at least five times. I kept a careful eye on them to make sure no more brawling matches broke out. Tensions were extremely high, and neither Charles nor Francina spoke to each other or interacting with each other for over a week. Charles finally reached his breaking point at the end of two weeks, and cornered me on my way to surfing.

    "Phil. She was brushing her teeth in the kitchen. She is, without a doubt, the most repulsive creature I have ever countered. I can't take another second being in the same house as her."

    "That's not that bad. It's gross, but not absolutely disgusting."

    "Yes it is! She dripped toothpaste everywhere. I can't concentrate. I'm thrown off my game. I can't bring girls home anymore—I'm worried Francina will do something gross."

    I sighed again. "Fine. I have the perfect solution. Do you like European girls?"

    Charles grinned. "Do you like submerging yourself in water for hours at a time?"

    "Obviously."

    "There's your answer."

    "Perfect, because we're going to France."

    Convincing my parents to use their ample funds to plan another vacation for my siblings and I wasn't as hard as it might have been, considering it was now summer. 

And this time, I wouldn't get third degree burns in a tomb. No one was taking me away from my fishing.