Ever since Buzz had proposed to Char, the whole house had been in constant scrambling to prepare for the wedding. Letters were sent out asking for calendars before they would send out invitations confirming the date, Sandy and Jessie were glued to Char's side as they raided stores looking for the perfect wedding dress (they decided in the end to get one custom made), mom was making a list of food to order, and dad was pulling strings to rent out public property. And me? I was just a crutch to deliver, give messages, support my family and calm down the occasional panic attack. I had also arranged Buzz's bachelor party, but it wasn't a big deal as we were just having it at our house since we probably had more entertainment there than any other place.
Oh, and not to mention the fact that I was keeping busy with my investigation cases and browsing stores for a certain item...
Anyway, I was on a quest to find Buzz and bring him home for the bachelor party. I found him doing a mime act in front of a karaoke place with Drizella and Anastasia as audience. Unsurprisingly, Drizella was booing Buzz. His pride seemed to restore itself when a few passersby dropped some bills into his tip jar.
I drove him home and then forced Buzz to change into an outfit that I picked out just for him-cowboy styled and hilarious. Or I thought it'd be. He didn't look too shabby in it. I left him be and climbed upstairs to Jessie. "Still making drinks?" I asked softly, tugging her closer to me. She smiled and gave me a gentle peck on the lips. "We'd better get changed and go downstairs to meet and greet," I suggested, though all I wanted to do was stay holding Jessie in my arms.
"Sounds good," she said, taking my hand and pulling me downstairs.
By the time we made our way outside, most of the guests were here and everyone was starting to crack open bottles of booze. "Have some champagne, little sis!" Buzz yelled, popping open the bottle and spraying it at her.
"I'm your twin, weirdo!" she laughed, trying to catch the drink in her mouth. It got all over her hair and absolutely drenched her dress, but she didn't seem to mind.
"Gather around, everyone!" Sandy announced, half-drunk, waving her arms and saying, "Time to toast my brother! Give him a toast! A good toasting!" Jessie and I giggled, and I noticed the strippers coming in a pink limo. They were dressed in cheerleader uniforms, but weren't that hot. Oh well. Buzz noticed them too, anxiously keeping his focus concentrated on Sandy as they made their way inside.
"My brudder," Sandy slurred, "Is the best gosh darned twin there could ever be! Why, I remember when he said that he would beat up any boy that came near me! Innit that just the greatest! An' he said, he said... whaddid he say... he dinnit. But he thought that fart jokes were dah best thing there ever wuz. Yep. He used to put little whoopie cushions on all the couches! Wow!"
"Hey, I remember that too!" Buzz snorted, cheering loudly. They had obviously both been drinking and it would be best to leave them be.
"It's snowing," I noted softly, disappointed. The one time it snowed, it had to be the day of Buzz's bachelor party. Jessie and I passed into the living room, looking for some privacy, but the strippers were doing some pelvic thrust, hip rotating, butt wiggling and chest bouncing dancing. Jessie buried her face in my shoulder to contain her giggles as some men rushed to the washroom, while others whooped and tossed money at strippers, and a lucky few were being felt up by them.
Soon, Buzz stumbled in and walked up to a blonde. "Mmm, I hear you can put on quite a show," he said, stumbling over his words.
"A show, but nothing more," I warned him softly.
"I'm a stripper, not a prostitute " the woman said with a smile my way. She pushed Buzz onto the couch and got onto his lap, straddling him. Jessie and I exited the living room to give them some privacy.
We tried going upstairs, but as we peeked our heads up into the second floor, we were greeted by the sight of Jessie making out with the guy she had been crushing on. I didn't move, just watching, as it seemed as though Sandy had initiated it.
"Where did that come from?" he said as Sandy pulled away.
"I'm sowwy, I'm drunk..." Sandy said, but I knew that she wasn't drunk enough to not be hurt. I was a second away from climbing up there and beating the crap out of that straightening-iron haired kid.
"No, don't get me wrong, I liked it, I was just surprised," he blurted out quickly, redeeming himself. He pulled Sandy closer to him and they resumed their make-out. I glanced at Jessie, who motioned for us to go outside.
The fresh air was invigorating, yet I was dying to let loose and have some fun. "Let's play beer pong," I suggested, quickly setting up the cups. Before long, I was beating Jessie badly and she was gulping cup after cup of beer. When she started to teeter, I knew she had had enough and ended the game. I had downed one cup-enough to make me feel warm and fuzzy, but not enough to get me drunk.
The snow was now providing a light coating on the ground, and the cold flakes seemed to sober Jessie up. "It's so beautiful outside, Dee," Jessie whispered to me. We sat down on the ground so that Jessie could rest her feet. The ground was hard though, so we didn't stay seated for long.
"You're so beautiful," I told her, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"The night is almost as gorgeous as you, in fact," I told her. "In fact, despite that tonight's a bachelor party, and despite that I didn't make this a big ordeal, I kind of want to surprise you."
"What on Earth are you talking about?" Jessie said as I knelt down on one knee. I pulled a little box from my coat jacket and watched as what I was about to do dawned on Jessie.
"Jessie, you've been my best friend since birth. Sure, it's kind of crazy that mom's fairy godmother gave you to me as a doll, and I have no idea how I managed to convince Buzz to make that potion to turn you real, and yeah, maybe I didn't know how much I cared for you, but I've always known about how you've always been there for me, to support me. And sure, my brain didn't register the fact that you're the most glorious person I've ever met until I turned you real, but the moment I did, I knew that I loved you and we were meant to be.
"I'll stop blabbing on and on and just say it, then, Jess. Jessie, the love of my life-will you marry me?" I finally opened the box, and Jessie gasped and covered her mouth with her hands staring at the size of the diamond on the ring-or in shock from my proposal, I really didn't know.
"YES! YES, YES, YES!" Jessie cried, jumping up and down excitedly.
"Hold still so I can put the ring on you?" I teased, gently taking her hand and slipping the ring on.
"Sweetie, one more thing," I said as Jessie tackled my with an embrace, "Do you want a big wedding?"
"Ah, no, not really. Why?"
"Let's get married right here, right now."
"What?"
"I have the rings," I said excitedly, taking out a matching ring for my hand, "And I just didn't want to start planning a wedding while Buzz is having his. We can get married here, quietly and not get in the way of their spotlight."
"Why not?" She grinned at me.
I slid Jessie's ring off her finger and handed her the ring meant for me. "Jessie Casmin," I said, "I, Andy Casmin, take you to be my beautiful, caring, gentle, funny, strong, wife. From this day forward, I promise to be loyal to you, to care for you in times of sickness, to love you just as much in times as health. And though I may not be perfect, I'll be damned if I don't try and be the husband that you deserve." I slipped Jessie's ring on.
"Andy, I've loved you ever since I can remember. I thought that I was just a loser, and I was crushed when you started dating Leon. I tried to put it behind me, but I could sense that there was something between us-even if you didn't. We have a connection, Dee, one that brought us together. I have my bad moments, sometimes I get weepy, sometimes I'm too clingy, but it's our flaws that make up our personality. And I'm in love with yours. I, Jessie Casmin, promise from this day forward to give you my heart-to stay loyal to you, to share what I love with you, to share what I don't, to care for you through rough times, good times, thick and thin, for better or for worse. Not 'till death do us part-forever, because even when we pass away I know that our love will be strong. You were my first love Andy, and my only. With this ring, I thee wed," Jess whispered, pushing the ring onto my finger.
Sure, our marriage was a little unorthodox, a little out of the blue, a little rough. But it was true. It was real. Our love was real, and a private wedding with personal, heartfelt vows felt better than any large wedding ever could. We were speaking to each other directly. We had already proclaimed our love for each other to our family and friends, so it was nice to have something special just for us.
"I love you, Jessie," I said softly.
"Wait, we forgot something."
"What's that?"
"You may now kiss the bride."
"Wifey," I kidded, "Want to celebrate?"
"I sure do, hubby," she said, her voice turning sultry, "And I think I know just how."
Jessie led me over to the tree-house. I hadn't visited it since I was a kid. All the memories we had in that little house... and we were about to make new ones. Jessie climbed up first, providing me with a nice view of her in her teeny skirt.
"You ready, Mrs.?" I called, climbing the ladder, "Even if you're not... here I come!" The sounds of the drunken guests were drowned as I entered the tree-house, and the cold bite of the air melted away inside the small, compact place. It was too small for standing-but just right for lying down.
I told my family very quickly of my marriage to Jessie, and all were very supportive. I supplied Buzz with some extra details as well. He listened with a pained expression as he downed glasses of water and popped an Advil, trying to get rid of his terrible hangover. Char had been good-humoured about the whole event, and promised that her bachelorette party would be equally naughty. Mom later told me with suppressed laughter that the newspaper had printed that "the cost of the wedding, though not disclosed, is rumored to reside in the six figures range" about my marriage. I had burst out laughing incredulously-who got wind of Jessie and I getting married in the first place? Oh well, after all, we were at a bachelor party, so there was probably someone that we hadn't noticed.
Char gave us a rare autographed photo of an athlete, which was really cool and not expected, and even Leon had sent a politely worded letter with a painting of a village which was quite nice of him.
Jessie and I certainly kept ourselves occupied, trying out all kinds of different places to have fun-the most common place being the shower. "Can we use a bed?" she suggested one day.
"Er, I dunno," I said nervously. My bed was tiny and certainly not suited for the types of activities we were looking for. I led her to my parents bed. We sat there cuddling as I tried to get used to the idea of doing it where... my parents did it. No, NO! Get that thought out of your head! I thought furiously.
"Are you chicken?" Jessie said, reading my mind.
"Of course not... it's just weird."
"Yeah, you're chicken," she teased.
"Nuh-uh," I said, giving her a great big kiss.
"Pretty tame," she mocked, sliding her hand down her leg suggestively.
"You won't be calling me tame for long," I growled, pushing her flat on her back as I intensified the kissing. It wasn't long before I had forgotten all about being on mom and dad's bed.
"Yeah, there's no way I'm letting them sleep in this bed after what we just did," I said afterwards as we lay in our underwear. "In fact, I'm pretty sure this is our room now. I'll just buy a new bed and remodel the whole room."
"Really? Remodel the whole room? I think buying a new bed should be enough."
"Yeah, you're right."
I decided to visit the spring festival, as both Sandy and Buzz had told me that it was really nice. The first thing I saw when I got there was Sandy occupying the kissing booth. "What," I said, approaching her, "Do you think you're doing?"
"Oh, I'm just kidding around," she said with a laugh, exiting the booth, "It's early morning and no one else is here. Can't I just pretend to work here?"
"Mmm. No. People'll think you're a slut or something," I said with concern.
She rolled her eyes. "Pfft. I like kissing people. I like having sex. What's the big deal?"
"Wait, what was that about having sex?"
"Nothing. Bye!" she said, scurrying away so quickly that I couldn't see where she had gone.
I kept returning until I saw Sandy at the kissing booth again. "Step right up, ladies and gents! Or just gents, I suppose. Place two dollars in this tip jar and you've got seven minutes in heaven. Ha, kidding, but a kiss with me will be like being in heaven," she boasted. A sleazy looking older man placed two dollars in the jar. "Come here, handsome," she said seductively, wrapping her arms around the man as they had an intimate kiss over the table. I felt like throwing up until I saw Sandy slid her hand into his pocket and extract his wallet, sneakily placing it in her jacket before pulling away. The man looked sour about the abrupt ending. I marched right up to Sandy and snatched her away.
"What?" she hissed.
"Okay, two things-what the hell are you doing, and what the hell are you doing! You just stole from him!"
"I'm saving up money so I can move out soon," she whined.
"Sandy," I sighed, "There are other ways. Please, continue painting! And you can play guitar for tips... I just don't want to see you this way."
She rolled her eyes. "But this is easier!"
"And illegal! Sandy! Promise me!"
She bit her lip and hung her head. "Okay," she said sadly.
"Anyway, so what's this about sex?"
"Sorry, got a customer," she said, waving me off. I groaned. There was only one other person I could get a straight answer from, and luckily he was in the park, picking flowers for his fiancé.
"Buzz, is Sandy still a virgin?" I asked him.
"Uh-huh."
"She told me that she likes having sex," I said.
"She did, did she?" Buzz said, picking some flowers and trailing over to find more.
"Well?" I said impatiently as Buzz practically inhaled a flower.
He grinned at me. "Ah, the sweet smell of deception."
"What?"
"She was pulling your strings, bro. She has an IQ of like 160. I'm pretty sure that she's fully aware of what she's saying. She's had oral, but not any further than that," Buzz said casually.
"Gross."
"Haven't you, too?"
"Yeah, but," I said, blushing, "This is my sister we're talking about."
Buzz smiled at me again. "I've got to go audition now. Your sister is a virgin and all is right in the world."
Later in the day, Buzz asked me to help him set up a cage and a glass tank. "What critters did you get your hands on?" I asked as I helped him snap the cage together.
"Well, you know the white and yellow cockatoo that always hangs out near the park? It's like, invincible or something because it was there in the winter, too. Anyway, I finally went to see if it was robotic or something, but it hopped up to me and bent his head down so I could bet him, and I just fell in love with him. Until he pooped on me. Which was gross. But I couldn't leave him there. I named him Woody."
"That's a cruel name," I said with a laugh.
"And the tank?"
"Not as exciting. I found a cool little turtle nearby, so I picked him up-or her-and he fell asleep in my hand. I though he died until he curled up into his shell. You can't just leave a turtle who curled up into a shell on the ground, so I pocketed him and brought him home."
"Ever think that maybe he curled up into his shell because he was scared of you?" I said sarcastically.
"Nah," Buzz said, "I put him on the dashboard on the way home and he was as happy as a clam! Turtle?"
Once we set everything up, Buzz headed out back to practice his routines. "Are you sure that's safe?" I said, taking a big step back as Buzz pulled out torches and lit them on fire. He juggled them with ease.
"For me? Yes. For you? No," Buzz said. The fire seemed to be everywhere. It was quite entrancing and I soon felt myself sweating inside my investigator outfit. "Once I've mastered this, I'm going to try spraying different chemicals on the batons so the fire is different colours. It'll be so cool!" he said excitedly.
My job, on the other hand, wasn't exciting at all. I procrastinated quite a bit. In fact, one client I had, I took her out on a date-well not a date, but I mean we had dinner, but just as client and investigator. Anyway, though I managed to extract quite a bit of information about her regarding the case, she yaked my ear off about her and her job, which quite frankly, I couldn't give a damn about.
"Smile!" I said cheerily as I pulled out my phone to snap a quick picture of the two of us. "It's for Facebook," I lied. I had taken to making files of each of my clients, meaning that it was up to me to include the most recent picture possible of them, and doing it manually was cheap and easy.
"Oh, crap!" I said as the flash went off, blinding us.
"How the hell is that even possible? It was the front facing camera!" she said, blinking rapidly.
"I... I don't even know," I sighed. My phone was actually a custom built, and I supposed that I had requested a front facing camera that was as equally powerful as the rear camera, and I supposed that that meant I had to endure flash.
"You could have just turned it off, dummy," she said coldly. Needless to say, we departed quickly after that and the photo of her was very bright.
Mom on the other hand was still doing well. After one of her gigs, a very excited girl came up to her and begged her for mom's autograph. Since mom was very grand-motherly, she accepted cheerily, pleased to the bone that she had a real life fan. I found it ironic, and simply prayed that mom didn't find the "WE LOVE CINDERELLA CASMIN!!!!!!!!" fanclub online.
Sandy had kept to her promise, and was constantly huddled over a canvas. "Almost done?" I asked her.
"Mmm-hmm," she said, "The art appraiser estimated that this will be worth over $100 000."
"So, you're rich?"
"Yeah, basically. But we're royalty, so we're kinda rich anyway."
"I suppose... But you're a professional painter?"
"Yeah. And because all of my paintings will be worth more when I die, I'll be sure to store some away for my future kids and grandkids."
I left Sandy and went to the park to meet my dear wife. I found her chowing down on some fries, dressed in sweatpants and an off the shoulder shirt that I had never seen before. "What's the sitch?"
"Welcome, stranger," she said as I sat next to her, facing the opposite direction. "I'll tell you as soon as I finish this."
"Right, so it probably would have been better if you were sitting," Jessie said as I stood, "But here I go. Andy, sweetie-I'm pregnant!" My jaw fell open as a million thoughts raced through my mind. I'mgoingtobeafatherI'mgoingtobeadadI'mgoingtohaveakidohmygodwhatisgoingonI'mgoingtohaveababyMyboyscanswim!
Most of all though, I was overjoyed. A dad! I reproduced! That was a scientific sounding term-I was going to have a spawn! An offspring! Still wasn't much better, but-Jessie waited patiently for my response.
"I'm so happy!" I managed, pulling Jessie in for a hug. Even if I couldn't express my joy in words, I'm sure my soul-mate would be able to figure that part out. "So I guess I really do need to remodel the whole room, then," I sighed.
"What, are we going to have the baby in our room?"
"I can't think of another place we would put our little child," I said, shrugging.
"But he'll wail and keep us awake constantly!"
"Jess, we have mom's mood adjuster thing. We can just use that. We just don't have enough room for our kid."
"I guess you're right," she said doubtfully.
"Hey there little guy," I said, leaning my head in to Jess's tummy.
"Who says our baby's going to be a boy? A girl, for sure," Jess said.
"The baby says that he can't wait to get out and meet his mama and papa."
"The baby actually says that she is so small that she won't make mommy show for a long while," Jess said.
"Oh? He wants to know why mommy is wearing different clothing, then," I said.
"Because... because I just snatched some pregnancy clothes for later," Jessie spluttered.
"Do you hear that, little guy? That's the sound of mommy being wrong. Doesn't happen often enough," I whispered to me. Jessie swatted my hat.
"Stop feeding her lies. My little girl is going to grow up with her daddy wrapped around her little finger, you know that, right?"
"Pfft. My boy is going to have all the ladies begging for him," I said with a laugh. Jess rolled her eyes, a smile on her face.
"I think my girl is ticklish," I said.
"Aha! So you're admitting that she's a girl!" Jessie said triumphantly.
"No, I'm talking about you!" I said, tickling her stomach.
"Stop it, Andy," she giggled, trying to fight me. "Not good for the baby!"
"Can't have that," I said, relenting slightly and straightening up.
"I love you so much," I sighed, "You know that, right?"
"I think I do... but it never hurts to be told so again."
Jess kept herself busy as a pregnant lady. She fed our new pets, cleaned their cages and blogged-though not about her pregnancy. We were going to tell our family once she was in her second trimester, and our friends once our baby had a steady heartbeat. "What're you reading?" I asked, walking into our remodeled living room.
"Pregnancy book," Jess said, flipping a page, "Gruesome stuff. Better than any horror book I've ever read."
"Gross. Don't share with me, please," I said, making a face.
Jess looked up, eyebrows narrowed. "Excuse me? Believe it or not, Andy, I need you to know what I"m going through. You don't have to read this book because it's aimed towards women, but find a father's version or something. Okay?" she said, and not gently.
I gulped. "Okay, dear."
To escape from Jessie's potential wrath, I went over to see how mom's show was going. She had a pretty awesome set up-bright lights, special effect machines, and a goth styled background and props. It was nothing compared to what professionals used, of course, but I was proud that my mom had gotten this far, especially since she was so old. How many people could say that their mom, soon to be a grandmother to their child, had fanclubs online, exuberant fans in real life, and sang songs better than a certain immature boy with an attitude problem, his ex-girlfriend, and some members of the cast of Glee put together?
I was completely entranced in the music, my attention only getting distracted a blue haired man I had never seen before. He looked fresh out of university, with a tattoo covering his chest and a smirk on his face. He seemed to enjoy my mom's music though, so he couldn't be all that bad. Jayme, Sandy's ex was also there. Buzz and Sandy had finally filled me in on the details of Jayme cheating on Sandy with ten different girls-four in one night. And he got to home run with every one of them. Buzz said that he just wanted to beat up Jayme all the time. I didn't have that type of defensive personality, though. Sandy had ended it, she was strong, and that's what mattered to me. As long as she didn't try to pull anymore stunts like she did at the kissing booth...
Speaking of stunts, mom was pretending to rock out on a guitar. I groaned, but her audience ate it up and screamed wildly, going bonkers.
Before I knew it, mom bowed, while fire-or at least, it looked like fire-blazed from the effects machines, and electricity shot from another. That described mom's performance pretty well-electric. As she descended the stage, she was swarmed with teenagers-mainly guys holding up pictures of her when she was younger. When people started chanting for her to remove her dress, and some guys even tried to snatch at it, I decided that that was enough. Like a bodyguard, I pushed through the small but wild crowd, pulling my mom out safely and driving her home. Her eyes were lit up. "That was amazing!" she said, grinning.
"Mom," I groaned, "They wanted you to strip for them!"
"I know! I guess I've still got it!" I couldn't help but smile.
Buzz's shows, on the other hand, were complete disasters. Or at least the one I went to was. It wasn't that his show was terrible or anything, but Buzz was performing in the park, where mom used to perform. Wherever she performed, her fans weren't far behind. And in a small town like this, it was easy to see where Buzz would have an empty audience.
Buzz had cool performances-incredible acrobatics, awe-inspiring juggling, jaw-dropping mime acts-okay, maybe I was exaggerating a bit for Buzz's sake. It was true, Buzz dropped the odd knife...
...lit himself on fire...
...wore a weird costume...
...and acted as though he had a giant crowd, but he was still my brother. He was much braver than I could ever be. Sneaking around in the shadows, breaking into other peoples homes... staying away from the spotlight seemed to be my thing, whereas my siblings and mom seemed to crave it. And dad? Maybe I was more like him. The only place he ever showed his face was on the dust jacket of his novels. Was it a bad thing? For either of us? For any of us?
In my opinion, I supposed that as long as any publicity we got was good publicity, it would be okay. In fact, it seemed that we were only getting good publicity...
"Andy, you should take a look at this," dad said as he rifled through the papers.
"Did they write another article about my investigative work? I thought I received enough praise," I groaned. I was tired of seeing my name or face in print and having the phone ringing nonstop.
"Not exactly... Someone wrote an article full of lies about you. They're saying that you only married Jessie because you knocked her up after rebounding from Leon-they say that he broke up with you-that you don't technically have a licence, that you're a pervert, that you're making Prince Harry look like a goody-two-shoes."
I grabbed the paper and read it over. "Dad, these claims are pretty serious..."
Dad looked at me grimly. "I think we're going to have to get in touch with our lawyer. This isn't fair to you, and seeing how this is the only paper our little city gets, they'll believe anything they're told."
"Well, I'm going to read this book on pregnancies," I grumbled, sitting down and flipping open the book Jessie had given me.
"While you do that, I'm going to see if I can contact the lawyer," dad said, sitting down at his overused laptop and flipping it open. The book was quite interesting, and by the time I was halfway through, mom came home and plopped down next to me.
"I can see that you two are busy, but I've got to give you a fair warning," she started.
"So I was singing for tips, as usual, when I noticed that blue haired man who was at my concert. Quite unusual to see someone that you don't recognize in this town. The more I looked at him, the more I realized how hot he was-"
"Hey!" dad interjected.
"And that he seemed like the type of boy Sandy would be interested in," mom said, ignoring dad. "So I phoned her and asked her to come over. I didn't tell her why, just to watch my performance. If something was meant to happen, then I would let nature take its course. I didn't want to force anything."
"Soon enough, Sandy saw him and her eyes lit right up. She played a little guitar while I sang to try and impress him. It worked, apparently, and they were chatting about every little thing they could think of about each other. Then there was an awkward silence-"
"You always make the move during the silence," dad added.
"And Sandy was hugging him to her body in a lip-locking kiss," mom said, smiling.
"Were her hand on the outside of his shirt?" I asked casually. If Sandy was up to her tricks again...
"Eh? No, no, no, don't be silly. She was really into him Andy. Just let me finish."
"He gave a 'what the hell' look-rightly so, if I might add-and said 'I don't know you very well, Sandy, but I'd love to get to know you better' and kissed her back, ever so gently. It was so sweet," mom swooned.
"Sweet," dad grumbled, "Sounds like he just wants to get his way with her and then leave her out on the street."
"Prince!" mom said, appalled, "He was quite a charming man!"
"Sounds like he charmed you alright," dad muttered jealously.
"Oh Prince," mom said softly, "Your last name isn't Charming for nothing." Dad grinned.
"Please mom, get on with the story," I urged her before they started getting mushy.
"I left them there swapping spit, whispering to each other and just looking happy, but Cid-that's his name-was running his fingers through her hair and just whispering to her when..."
"When what?" I asked sharply, noticing mom's grim expression.
"Well, I didn't want to stay too long, but I'm pretty sure Sandy asked if he wanted to 'come back to her place,'" mom said with concern.
"And you made sure that she knew that that was not an option, right?" dad asked, equally as sharply as I had been.
"No, not exactly... I got in my car and drove home to tell you guys," mom said worriedly.
Just as dad slapped his hand against his forehead comically, Buzz, fully decked out in his acrobat gear, plopped down next to me. "What're you guys talking about?"
"Oh, crap," I said, picking up my book again. I glanced over at him. "Is there a reason why you're so orange?"
Even though his skin was tanned, Buzz blushed deeply. "I uh, used a tanning machine. Doesn't matter. I was asking you guys a question," Buzz said firmly.
"I think you're about to get your answer right now," mom hummed, flicking on the TV. Buzz and I both glanced out the window. Cid was carrying a giggling Sandy in his arms. She kept nibbling his ear.
"Gross," Buzz and I said in unison.
"I'm going to go and chase him away," Buzz growled, standing up.
"Buzz, sit down," mom sighed, "Just let Sandy do her thing."
"Do her thing? Do her thing? She's about to do him!"
Mom and dad exchanged 'the look'. "Buzz, she's got a lot on her plate right now... she needs something to take the stress off."
"What? Dad, you're not-"
"Your mother is right, son," dad said calmly, "Leave her."
"What stress has Sandy been under?" I asked, confused. Sandy would've told me... right?
Mom and dad gave each other their little look that infuriated me so. "Andy, it's personal and-"
"I'm an adult for crying out loud!" I bellowed.
"And so is she. If dad and I say it's okay, then she's allowed to do what she pleases, Andy," mom said calmly. I glanced outside again, where Cid had pressed Sandy up to the wall as they made out. Perhaps he wouldn't be such a bad guy. Maybe it would be okay.
Half an hour later, the shower stopped and I heard the door open as the two got out. At least the shower had been loud-not. I was forced to crank up the volume on mom's cooking show so that I could drown them out. Mom, who had delicate ears and so could not hear Cid and Sandy nor at the same time could handle loud noises, scowled at me and turned it down, forcing me seek out Jessie and talk loudly with her as we played loud music in our room.
"I'm going to have a word with him," I told Jessie, giving her a kiss, "Don't go anywhere."
"I'm not planning to," she said, wiggling her eyebrows, "I've got plans."
"There you are," I said, hearing Sandy's voice on the third floor. "I've got to talk to you about-" I stopped as I saw Cid. No, it wasn't just that I saw Cid, it was that I saw Cid naked. He was posing naked for Sandy to draw him.
"What about?" Sandy said, turning and grinning at me.
"I-uh-what are you doing?"
"Painting Cid. Don't worry, I won't include his package-" I grimaced, "-just everything above it."
"Why is he naked though?"
"I'd get bored pretty quick if he wasn't," Sandy said. She knelt down and started squirting some paint into a little dish, swirling and mixing some with her paintbrush. "Now if you wouldn't mind, I've got some painting to do, so shoo." I unhappily obeyed her request.
Their relationship seemed pretty steady, for the most part. Mom was right-I did see an improvement in Sandy's mood and productivity. I still didn't like the fact that while completely sober, the two had sex within two hours of meeting each other. Yes, their relationship seemed fine... and consisting mostly of sex. The first time I had walked in on them had been the worse. Cid has stayed over, bunking with Sandy, but since her bed was so tiny he gave up and went to the couch. Not long after, I found Cid with his bare arse on my new bed! Jessie and I had finally refurnished the entire room with a crib, baby swing, diaper and bath table and a walker in preparation for our baby.
It wasn't the first time, though, and chances were that it wouldn't be the last. Sandy was happy to wash our covers and sheets as long as she had a place to do it other than the shower. Jessie and I pointed out that it wasn't really a compromise-we didn't want her having sex in our bed, period-but Sandy had pleaded with us and promised that it was only until she got a place of her own. I had been firm that that Sandy mightn't get a place of her own for a very long time, but Jessie made me cave in by guilt tripping me.
"That was fun." Cid.
"Yeah." Sandy.
"Can you guys wash the sheets now please?" Me.
It was becoming a sort of routine for us.
The next time I found Sandy, she was alone and admiring her portrait of Cid. "Sandy," I said softly, "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course. I can't guarantee that I'll answer, but you can always ask."
"Well... mom and dad told me about what you've been going through," I said slowly, "But I wanted to ask you about it personally."
"They told you?" Sandy said incredulously, her face falling, "They promised they wouldn't. I didn't want you guys to worry."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about a little thing like that," I ad-libbed.
"They didn't tell you a darn thing, did they?" Sandy said, her eyes narrowing. "I suppose I'll tell you anyway though. I'd rather you hear it from me. I was going through some self-worth issues... about how I have potential, but I'm not doing anything. I'm not suicidal and don't self-harm, but I've been in a rut for a while and Cid has really helped me with my depression."
"I had no idea... I'm such and idiot," I said, rubbing my forehead.
"This is exactly what I wanted to avoid, Dee. None of this is your fault and nothing you can do can change it, okay? I'm getting better and that's all that matters. I don't want you worrying at all."
I nodded, a little clueless on the subject. "Whatever you want, sis. I just want you to be happy. And one more thing..."
"Yes?"
Oh, and not to mention the fact that I was keeping busy with my investigation cases and browsing stores for a certain item...
Anyway, I was on a quest to find Buzz and bring him home for the bachelor party. I found him doing a mime act in front of a karaoke place with Drizella and Anastasia as audience. Unsurprisingly, Drizella was booing Buzz. His pride seemed to restore itself when a few passersby dropped some bills into his tip jar.
I drove him home and then forced Buzz to change into an outfit that I picked out just for him-cowboy styled and hilarious. Or I thought it'd be. He didn't look too shabby in it. I left him be and climbed upstairs to Jessie. "Still making drinks?" I asked softly, tugging her closer to me. She smiled and gave me a gentle peck on the lips. "We'd better get changed and go downstairs to meet and greet," I suggested, though all I wanted to do was stay holding Jessie in my arms.
"Sounds good," she said, taking my hand and pulling me downstairs.
By the time we made our way outside, most of the guests were here and everyone was starting to crack open bottles of booze. "Have some champagne, little sis!" Buzz yelled, popping open the bottle and spraying it at her.
"I'm your twin, weirdo!" she laughed, trying to catch the drink in her mouth. It got all over her hair and absolutely drenched her dress, but she didn't seem to mind.
"Gather around, everyone!" Sandy announced, half-drunk, waving her arms and saying, "Time to toast my brother! Give him a toast! A good toasting!" Jessie and I giggled, and I noticed the strippers coming in a pink limo. They were dressed in cheerleader uniforms, but weren't that hot. Oh well. Buzz noticed them too, anxiously keeping his focus concentrated on Sandy as they made their way inside.
"My brudder," Sandy slurred, "Is the best gosh darned twin there could ever be! Why, I remember when he said that he would beat up any boy that came near me! Innit that just the greatest! An' he said, he said... whaddid he say... he dinnit. But he thought that fart jokes were dah best thing there ever wuz. Yep. He used to put little whoopie cushions on all the couches! Wow!"
"Hey, I remember that too!" Buzz snorted, cheering loudly. They had obviously both been drinking and it would be best to leave them be.
"It's snowing," I noted softly, disappointed. The one time it snowed, it had to be the day of Buzz's bachelor party. Jessie and I passed into the living room, looking for some privacy, but the strippers were doing some pelvic thrust, hip rotating, butt wiggling and chest bouncing dancing. Jessie buried her face in my shoulder to contain her giggles as some men rushed to the washroom, while others whooped and tossed money at strippers, and a lucky few were being felt up by them.
Soon, Buzz stumbled in and walked up to a blonde. "Mmm, I hear you can put on quite a show," he said, stumbling over his words.
"A show, but nothing more," I warned him softly.
"I'm a stripper, not a prostitute " the woman said with a smile my way. She pushed Buzz onto the couch and got onto his lap, straddling him. Jessie and I exited the living room to give them some privacy.
We tried going upstairs, but as we peeked our heads up into the second floor, we were greeted by the sight of Jessie making out with the guy she had been crushing on. I didn't move, just watching, as it seemed as though Sandy had initiated it.
"Where did that come from?" he said as Sandy pulled away.
"I'm sowwy, I'm drunk..." Sandy said, but I knew that she wasn't drunk enough to not be hurt. I was a second away from climbing up there and beating the crap out of that straightening-iron haired kid.
"No, don't get me wrong, I liked it, I was just surprised," he blurted out quickly, redeeming himself. He pulled Sandy closer to him and they resumed their make-out. I glanced at Jessie, who motioned for us to go outside.
The fresh air was invigorating, yet I was dying to let loose and have some fun. "Let's play beer pong," I suggested, quickly setting up the cups. Before long, I was beating Jessie badly and she was gulping cup after cup of beer. When she started to teeter, I knew she had had enough and ended the game. I had downed one cup-enough to make me feel warm and fuzzy, but not enough to get me drunk.
The snow was now providing a light coating on the ground, and the cold flakes seemed to sober Jessie up. "It's so beautiful outside, Dee," Jessie whispered to me. We sat down on the ground so that Jessie could rest her feet. The ground was hard though, so we didn't stay seated for long.
"You're so beautiful," I told her, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"The night is almost as gorgeous as you, in fact," I told her. "In fact, despite that tonight's a bachelor party, and despite that I didn't make this a big ordeal, I kind of want to surprise you."
"What on Earth are you talking about?" Jessie said as I knelt down on one knee. I pulled a little box from my coat jacket and watched as what I was about to do dawned on Jessie.
"Jessie, you've been my best friend since birth. Sure, it's kind of crazy that mom's fairy godmother gave you to me as a doll, and I have no idea how I managed to convince Buzz to make that potion to turn you real, and yeah, maybe I didn't know how much I cared for you, but I've always known about how you've always been there for me, to support me. And sure, my brain didn't register the fact that you're the most glorious person I've ever met until I turned you real, but the moment I did, I knew that I loved you and we were meant to be.
"I'll stop blabbing on and on and just say it, then, Jess. Jessie, the love of my life-will you marry me?" I finally opened the box, and Jessie gasped and covered her mouth with her hands staring at the size of the diamond on the ring-or in shock from my proposal, I really didn't know.
"Hold still so I can put the ring on you?" I teased, gently taking her hand and slipping the ring on.
"Sweetie, one more thing," I said as Jessie tackled my with an embrace, "Do you want a big wedding?"
"Ah, no, not really. Why?"
"Let's get married right here, right now."
"What?"
"I have the rings," I said excitedly, taking out a matching ring for my hand, "And I just didn't want to start planning a wedding while Buzz is having his. We can get married here, quietly and not get in the way of their spotlight."
"Why not?" She grinned at me.
I slid Jessie's ring off her finger and handed her the ring meant for me. "Jessie Casmin," I said, "I, Andy Casmin, take you to be my beautiful, caring, gentle, funny, strong, wife. From this day forward, I promise to be loyal to you, to care for you in times of sickness, to love you just as much in times as health. And though I may not be perfect, I'll be damned if I don't try and be the husband that you deserve." I slipped Jessie's ring on.
"Andy, I've loved you ever since I can remember. I thought that I was just a loser, and I was crushed when you started dating Leon. I tried to put it behind me, but I could sense that there was something between us-even if you didn't. We have a connection, Dee, one that brought us together. I have my bad moments, sometimes I get weepy, sometimes I'm too clingy, but it's our flaws that make up our personality. And I'm in love with yours. I, Jessie Casmin, promise from this day forward to give you my heart-to stay loyal to you, to share what I love with you, to share what I don't, to care for you through rough times, good times, thick and thin, for better or for worse. Not 'till death do us part-forever, because even when we pass away I know that our love will be strong. You were my first love Andy, and my only. With this ring, I thee wed," Jess whispered, pushing the ring onto my finger.
Sure, our marriage was a little unorthodox, a little out of the blue, a little rough. But it was true. It was real. Our love was real, and a private wedding with personal, heartfelt vows felt better than any large wedding ever could. We were speaking to each other directly. We had already proclaimed our love for each other to our family and friends, so it was nice to have something special just for us.
"I love you, Jessie," I said softly.
"Wait, we forgot something."
"What's that?"
"You may now kiss the bride."
"Wifey," I kidded, "Want to celebrate?"
"I sure do, hubby," she said, her voice turning sultry, "And I think I know just how."
Jessie led me over to the tree-house. I hadn't visited it since I was a kid. All the memories we had in that little house... and we were about to make new ones. Jessie climbed up first, providing me with a nice view of her in her teeny skirt.
"You ready, Mrs.?" I called, climbing the ladder, "Even if you're not... here I come!" The sounds of the drunken guests were drowned as I entered the tree-house, and the cold bite of the air melted away inside the small, compact place. It was too small for standing-but just right for lying down.
I told my family very quickly of my marriage to Jessie, and all were very supportive. I supplied Buzz with some extra details as well. He listened with a pained expression as he downed glasses of water and popped an Advil, trying to get rid of his terrible hangover. Char had been good-humoured about the whole event, and promised that her bachelorette party would be equally naughty. Mom later told me with suppressed laughter that the newspaper had printed that "the cost of the wedding, though not disclosed, is rumored to reside in the six figures range" about my marriage. I had burst out laughing incredulously-who got wind of Jessie and I getting married in the first place? Oh well, after all, we were at a bachelor party, so there was probably someone that we hadn't noticed.
Char gave us a rare autographed photo of an athlete, which was really cool and not expected, and even Leon had sent a politely worded letter with a painting of a village which was quite nice of him.
Jessie and I certainly kept ourselves occupied, trying out all kinds of different places to have fun-the most common place being the shower. "Can we use a bed?" she suggested one day.
"Er, I dunno," I said nervously. My bed was tiny and certainly not suited for the types of activities we were looking for. I led her to my parents bed. We sat there cuddling as I tried to get used to the idea of doing it where... my parents did it. No, NO! Get that thought out of your head! I thought furiously.
"Are you chicken?" Jessie said, reading my mind.
"Of course not... it's just weird."
"Yeah, you're chicken," she teased.
"Nuh-uh," I said, giving her a great big kiss.
"Pretty tame," she mocked, sliding her hand down her leg suggestively.
"You won't be calling me tame for long," I growled, pushing her flat on her back as I intensified the kissing. It wasn't long before I had forgotten all about being on mom and dad's bed.
"Yeah, there's no way I'm letting them sleep in this bed after what we just did," I said afterwards as we lay in our underwear. "In fact, I'm pretty sure this is our room now. I'll just buy a new bed and remodel the whole room."
"Really? Remodel the whole room? I think buying a new bed should be enough."
"Yeah, you're right."
I decided to visit the spring festival, as both Sandy and Buzz had told me that it was really nice. The first thing I saw when I got there was Sandy occupying the kissing booth. "What," I said, approaching her, "Do you think you're doing?"
"Oh, I'm just kidding around," she said with a laugh, exiting the booth, "It's early morning and no one else is here. Can't I just pretend to work here?"
"Mmm. No. People'll think you're a slut or something," I said with concern.
She rolled her eyes. "Pfft. I like kissing people. I like having sex. What's the big deal?"
"Wait, what was that about having sex?"
"Nothing. Bye!" she said, scurrying away so quickly that I couldn't see where she had gone.
I kept returning until I saw Sandy at the kissing booth again. "Step right up, ladies and gents! Or just gents, I suppose. Place two dollars in this tip jar and you've got seven minutes in heaven. Ha, kidding, but a kiss with me will be like being in heaven," she boasted. A sleazy looking older man placed two dollars in the jar. "Come here, handsome," she said seductively, wrapping her arms around the man as they had an intimate kiss over the table. I felt like throwing up until I saw Sandy slid her hand into his pocket and extract his wallet, sneakily placing it in her jacket before pulling away. The man looked sour about the abrupt ending. I marched right up to Sandy and snatched her away.
"What?" she hissed.
"Okay, two things-what the hell are you doing, and what the hell are you doing! You just stole from him!"
"I'm saving up money so I can move out soon," she whined.
"Sandy," I sighed, "There are other ways. Please, continue painting! And you can play guitar for tips... I just don't want to see you this way."
She rolled her eyes. "But this is easier!"
"And illegal! Sandy! Promise me!"
She bit her lip and hung her head. "Okay," she said sadly.
"Anyway, so what's this about sex?"
"Sorry, got a customer," she said, waving me off. I groaned. There was only one other person I could get a straight answer from, and luckily he was in the park, picking flowers for his fiancé.
"Buzz, is Sandy still a virgin?" I asked him.
"Uh-huh."
"She told me that she likes having sex," I said.
"She did, did she?" Buzz said, picking some flowers and trailing over to find more.
"Well?" I said impatiently as Buzz practically inhaled a flower.
He grinned at me. "Ah, the sweet smell of deception."
"What?"
"She was pulling your strings, bro. She has an IQ of like 160. I'm pretty sure that she's fully aware of what she's saying. She's had oral, but not any further than that," Buzz said casually.
"Gross."
"Haven't you, too?"
"Yeah, but," I said, blushing, "This is my sister we're talking about."
Buzz smiled at me again. "I've got to go audition now. Your sister is a virgin and all is right in the world."
Later in the day, Buzz asked me to help him set up a cage and a glass tank. "What critters did you get your hands on?" I asked as I helped him snap the cage together.
"Well, you know the white and yellow cockatoo that always hangs out near the park? It's like, invincible or something because it was there in the winter, too. Anyway, I finally went to see if it was robotic or something, but it hopped up to me and bent his head down so I could bet him, and I just fell in love with him. Until he pooped on me. Which was gross. But I couldn't leave him there. I named him Woody."
"That's a cruel name," I said with a laugh.
"And the tank?"
"Not as exciting. I found a cool little turtle nearby, so I picked him up-or her-and he fell asleep in my hand. I though he died until he curled up into his shell. You can't just leave a turtle who curled up into a shell on the ground, so I pocketed him and brought him home."
"Ever think that maybe he curled up into his shell because he was scared of you?" I said sarcastically.
"Nah," Buzz said, "I put him on the dashboard on the way home and he was as happy as a clam! Turtle?"
Once we set everything up, Buzz headed out back to practice his routines. "Are you sure that's safe?" I said, taking a big step back as Buzz pulled out torches and lit them on fire. He juggled them with ease.
"For me? Yes. For you? No," Buzz said. The fire seemed to be everywhere. It was quite entrancing and I soon felt myself sweating inside my investigator outfit. "Once I've mastered this, I'm going to try spraying different chemicals on the batons so the fire is different colours. It'll be so cool!" he said excitedly.
My job, on the other hand, wasn't exciting at all. I procrastinated quite a bit. In fact, one client I had, I took her out on a date-well not a date, but I mean we had dinner, but just as client and investigator. Anyway, though I managed to extract quite a bit of information about her regarding the case, she yaked my ear off about her and her job, which quite frankly, I couldn't give a damn about.
"Smile!" I said cheerily as I pulled out my phone to snap a quick picture of the two of us. "It's for Facebook," I lied. I had taken to making files of each of my clients, meaning that it was up to me to include the most recent picture possible of them, and doing it manually was cheap and easy.
"Oh, crap!" I said as the flash went off, blinding us.
"How the hell is that even possible? It was the front facing camera!" she said, blinking rapidly.
"I... I don't even know," I sighed. My phone was actually a custom built, and I supposed that I had requested a front facing camera that was as equally powerful as the rear camera, and I supposed that that meant I had to endure flash.
"You could have just turned it off, dummy," she said coldly. Needless to say, we departed quickly after that and the photo of her was very bright.
Mom on the other hand was still doing well. After one of her gigs, a very excited girl came up to her and begged her for mom's autograph. Since mom was very grand-motherly, she accepted cheerily, pleased to the bone that she had a real life fan. I found it ironic, and simply prayed that mom didn't find the "WE LOVE CINDERELLA CASMIN!!!!!!!!" fanclub online.
Sandy had kept to her promise, and was constantly huddled over a canvas. "Almost done?" I asked her.
"Mmm-hmm," she said, "The art appraiser estimated that this will be worth over $100 000."
"So, you're rich?"
"Yeah, basically. But we're royalty, so we're kinda rich anyway."
"I suppose... But you're a professional painter?"
"Yeah. And because all of my paintings will be worth more when I die, I'll be sure to store some away for my future kids and grandkids."
I left Sandy and went to the park to meet my dear wife. I found her chowing down on some fries, dressed in sweatpants and an off the shoulder shirt that I had never seen before. "What's the sitch?"
"Welcome, stranger," she said as I sat next to her, facing the opposite direction. "I'll tell you as soon as I finish this."
"Right, so it probably would have been better if you were sitting," Jessie said as I stood, "But here I go. Andy, sweetie-I'm pregnant!" My jaw fell open as a million thoughts raced through my mind. I'mgoingtobeafatherI'mgoingtobeadadI'mgoingtohaveakidohmygodwhatisgoingonI'mgoingtohaveababyMyboyscanswim!
Most of all though, I was overjoyed. A dad! I reproduced! That was a scientific sounding term-I was going to have a spawn! An offspring! Still wasn't much better, but-Jessie waited patiently for my response.
"I'm so happy!" I managed, pulling Jessie in for a hug. Even if I couldn't express my joy in words, I'm sure my soul-mate would be able to figure that part out. "So I guess I really do need to remodel the whole room, then," I sighed.
"What, are we going to have the baby in our room?"
"I can't think of another place we would put our little child," I said, shrugging.
"But he'll wail and keep us awake constantly!"
"Jess, we have mom's mood adjuster thing. We can just use that. We just don't have enough room for our kid."
"I guess you're right," she said doubtfully.
"Hey there little guy," I said, leaning my head in to Jess's tummy.
"Who says our baby's going to be a boy? A girl, for sure," Jess said.
"The baby says that he can't wait to get out and meet his mama and papa."
"The baby actually says that she is so small that she won't make mommy show for a long while," Jess said.
"Oh? He wants to know why mommy is wearing different clothing, then," I said.
"Because... because I just snatched some pregnancy clothes for later," Jessie spluttered.
"Do you hear that, little guy? That's the sound of mommy being wrong. Doesn't happen often enough," I whispered to me. Jessie swatted my hat.
"Stop feeding her lies. My little girl is going to grow up with her daddy wrapped around her little finger, you know that, right?"
"Pfft. My boy is going to have all the ladies begging for him," I said with a laugh. Jess rolled her eyes, a smile on her face.
"I think my girl is ticklish," I said.
"Aha! So you're admitting that she's a girl!" Jessie said triumphantly.
"No, I'm talking about you!" I said, tickling her stomach.
"Stop it, Andy," she giggled, trying to fight me. "Not good for the baby!"
"Can't have that," I said, relenting slightly and straightening up.
"I love you so much," I sighed, "You know that, right?"
"I think I do... but it never hurts to be told so again."
Jess kept herself busy as a pregnant lady. She fed our new pets, cleaned their cages and blogged-though not about her pregnancy. We were going to tell our family once she was in her second trimester, and our friends once our baby had a steady heartbeat. "What're you reading?" I asked, walking into our remodeled living room.
"Pregnancy book," Jess said, flipping a page, "Gruesome stuff. Better than any horror book I've ever read."
"Gross. Don't share with me, please," I said, making a face.
Jess looked up, eyebrows narrowed. "Excuse me? Believe it or not, Andy, I need you to know what I"m going through. You don't have to read this book because it's aimed towards women, but find a father's version or something. Okay?" she said, and not gently.
I gulped. "Okay, dear."
To escape from Jessie's potential wrath, I went over to see how mom's show was going. She had a pretty awesome set up-bright lights, special effect machines, and a goth styled background and props. It was nothing compared to what professionals used, of course, but I was proud that my mom had gotten this far, especially since she was so old. How many people could say that their mom, soon to be a grandmother to their child, had fanclubs online, exuberant fans in real life, and sang songs better than a certain immature boy with an attitude problem, his ex-girlfriend, and some members of the cast of Glee put together?
I was completely entranced in the music, my attention only getting distracted a blue haired man I had never seen before. He looked fresh out of university, with a tattoo covering his chest and a smirk on his face. He seemed to enjoy my mom's music though, so he couldn't be all that bad. Jayme, Sandy's ex was also there. Buzz and Sandy had finally filled me in on the details of Jayme cheating on Sandy with ten different girls-four in one night. And he got to home run with every one of them. Buzz said that he just wanted to beat up Jayme all the time. I didn't have that type of defensive personality, though. Sandy had ended it, she was strong, and that's what mattered to me. As long as she didn't try to pull anymore stunts like she did at the kissing booth...
Speaking of stunts, mom was pretending to rock out on a guitar. I groaned, but her audience ate it up and screamed wildly, going bonkers.
Before I knew it, mom bowed, while fire-or at least, it looked like fire-blazed from the effects machines, and electricity shot from another. That described mom's performance pretty well-electric. As she descended the stage, she was swarmed with teenagers-mainly guys holding up pictures of her when she was younger. When people started chanting for her to remove her dress, and some guys even tried to snatch at it, I decided that that was enough. Like a bodyguard, I pushed through the small but wild crowd, pulling my mom out safely and driving her home. Her eyes were lit up. "That was amazing!" she said, grinning.
"Mom," I groaned, "They wanted you to strip for them!"
"I know! I guess I've still got it!" I couldn't help but smile.
Buzz's shows, on the other hand, were complete disasters. Or at least the one I went to was. It wasn't that his show was terrible or anything, but Buzz was performing in the park, where mom used to perform. Wherever she performed, her fans weren't far behind. And in a small town like this, it was easy to see where Buzz would have an empty audience.
Buzz had cool performances-incredible acrobatics, awe-inspiring juggling, jaw-dropping mime acts-okay, maybe I was exaggerating a bit for Buzz's sake. It was true, Buzz dropped the odd knife...
...lit himself on fire...
...wore a weird costume...
...and acted as though he had a giant crowd, but he was still my brother. He was much braver than I could ever be. Sneaking around in the shadows, breaking into other peoples homes... staying away from the spotlight seemed to be my thing, whereas my siblings and mom seemed to crave it. And dad? Maybe I was more like him. The only place he ever showed his face was on the dust jacket of his novels. Was it a bad thing? For either of us? For any of us?
In my opinion, I supposed that as long as any publicity we got was good publicity, it would be okay. In fact, it seemed that we were only getting good publicity...
"Andy, you should take a look at this," dad said as he rifled through the papers.
"Did they write another article about my investigative work? I thought I received enough praise," I groaned. I was tired of seeing my name or face in print and having the phone ringing nonstop.
"Not exactly... Someone wrote an article full of lies about you. They're saying that you only married Jessie because you knocked her up after rebounding from Leon-they say that he broke up with you-that you don't technically have a licence, that you're a pervert, that you're making Prince Harry look like a goody-two-shoes."
I grabbed the paper and read it over. "Dad, these claims are pretty serious..."
Dad looked at me grimly. "I think we're going to have to get in touch with our lawyer. This isn't fair to you, and seeing how this is the only paper our little city gets, they'll believe anything they're told."
"Well, I'm going to read this book on pregnancies," I grumbled, sitting down and flipping open the book Jessie had given me.
"While you do that, I'm going to see if I can contact the lawyer," dad said, sitting down at his overused laptop and flipping it open. The book was quite interesting, and by the time I was halfway through, mom came home and plopped down next to me.
"I can see that you two are busy, but I've got to give you a fair warning," she started.
"So I was singing for tips, as usual, when I noticed that blue haired man who was at my concert. Quite unusual to see someone that you don't recognize in this town. The more I looked at him, the more I realized how hot he was-"
"Hey!" dad interjected.
"And that he seemed like the type of boy Sandy would be interested in," mom said, ignoring dad. "So I phoned her and asked her to come over. I didn't tell her why, just to watch my performance. If something was meant to happen, then I would let nature take its course. I didn't want to force anything."
"Soon enough, Sandy saw him and her eyes lit right up. She played a little guitar while I sang to try and impress him. It worked, apparently, and they were chatting about every little thing they could think of about each other. Then there was an awkward silence-"
"You always make the move during the silence," dad added.
"And Sandy was hugging him to her body in a lip-locking kiss," mom said, smiling.
"Were her hand on the outside of his shirt?" I asked casually. If Sandy was up to her tricks again...
"Eh? No, no, no, don't be silly. She was really into him Andy. Just let me finish."
"He gave a 'what the hell' look-rightly so, if I might add-and said 'I don't know you very well, Sandy, but I'd love to get to know you better' and kissed her back, ever so gently. It was so sweet," mom swooned.
"Sweet," dad grumbled, "Sounds like he just wants to get his way with her and then leave her out on the street."
"Prince!" mom said, appalled, "He was quite a charming man!"
"Sounds like he charmed you alright," dad muttered jealously.
"Oh Prince," mom said softly, "Your last name isn't Charming for nothing." Dad grinned.
"Please mom, get on with the story," I urged her before they started getting mushy.
"I left them there swapping spit, whispering to each other and just looking happy, but Cid-that's his name-was running his fingers through her hair and just whispering to her when..."
"When what?" I asked sharply, noticing mom's grim expression.
"Well, I didn't want to stay too long, but I'm pretty sure Sandy asked if he wanted to 'come back to her place,'" mom said with concern.
"And you made sure that she knew that that was not an option, right?" dad asked, equally as sharply as I had been.
"No, not exactly... I got in my car and drove home to tell you guys," mom said worriedly.
Just as dad slapped his hand against his forehead comically, Buzz, fully decked out in his acrobat gear, plopped down next to me. "What're you guys talking about?"
"Oh, crap," I said, picking up my book again. I glanced over at him. "Is there a reason why you're so orange?"
Even though his skin was tanned, Buzz blushed deeply. "I uh, used a tanning machine. Doesn't matter. I was asking you guys a question," Buzz said firmly.
"Gross," Buzz and I said in unison.
"I'm going to go and chase him away," Buzz growled, standing up.
"Buzz, sit down," mom sighed, "Just let Sandy do her thing."
"Do her thing? Do her thing? She's about to do him!"
Mom and dad exchanged 'the look'. "Buzz, she's got a lot on her plate right now... she needs something to take the stress off."
"What? Dad, you're not-"
"Your mother is right, son," dad said calmly, "Leave her."
"What stress has Sandy been under?" I asked, confused. Sandy would've told me... right?
Mom and dad gave each other their little look that infuriated me so. "Andy, it's personal and-"
"I'm an adult for crying out loud!" I bellowed.
"And so is she. If dad and I say it's okay, then she's allowed to do what she pleases, Andy," mom said calmly. I glanced outside again, where Cid had pressed Sandy up to the wall as they made out. Perhaps he wouldn't be such a bad guy. Maybe it would be okay.
Half an hour later, the shower stopped and I heard the door open as the two got out. At least the shower had been loud-not. I was forced to crank up the volume on mom's cooking show so that I could drown them out. Mom, who had delicate ears and so could not hear Cid and Sandy nor at the same time could handle loud noises, scowled at me and turned it down, forcing me seek out Jessie and talk loudly with her as we played loud music in our room.
"I'm going to have a word with him," I told Jessie, giving her a kiss, "Don't go anywhere."
"I'm not planning to," she said, wiggling her eyebrows, "I've got plans."
"There you are," I said, hearing Sandy's voice on the third floor. "I've got to talk to you about-" I stopped as I saw Cid. No, it wasn't just that I saw Cid, it was that I saw Cid naked. He was posing naked for Sandy to draw him.
"What about?" Sandy said, turning and grinning at me.
"I-uh-what are you doing?"
"Painting Cid. Don't worry, I won't include his package-" I grimaced, "-just everything above it."
"Why is he naked though?"
"I'd get bored pretty quick if he wasn't," Sandy said. She knelt down and started squirting some paint into a little dish, swirling and mixing some with her paintbrush. "Now if you wouldn't mind, I've got some painting to do, so shoo." I unhappily obeyed her request.
Their relationship seemed pretty steady, for the most part. Mom was right-I did see an improvement in Sandy's mood and productivity. I still didn't like the fact that while completely sober, the two had sex within two hours of meeting each other. Yes, their relationship seemed fine... and consisting mostly of sex. The first time I had walked in on them had been the worse. Cid has stayed over, bunking with Sandy, but since her bed was so tiny he gave up and went to the couch. Not long after, I found Cid with his bare arse on my new bed! Jessie and I had finally refurnished the entire room with a crib, baby swing, diaper and bath table and a walker in preparation for our baby.
It wasn't the first time, though, and chances were that it wouldn't be the last. Sandy was happy to wash our covers and sheets as long as she had a place to do it other than the shower. Jessie and I pointed out that it wasn't really a compromise-we didn't want her having sex in our bed, period-but Sandy had pleaded with us and promised that it was only until she got a place of her own. I had been firm that that Sandy mightn't get a place of her own for a very long time, but Jessie made me cave in by guilt tripping me.
"That was fun." Cid.
"Yeah." Sandy.
"Can you guys wash the sheets now please?" Me.
It was becoming a sort of routine for us.
The next time I found Sandy, she was alone and admiring her portrait of Cid. "Sandy," I said softly, "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course. I can't guarantee that I'll answer, but you can always ask."
"Well... mom and dad told me about what you've been going through," I said slowly, "But I wanted to ask you about it personally."
"They told you?" Sandy said incredulously, her face falling, "They promised they wouldn't. I didn't want you guys to worry."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about a little thing like that," I ad-libbed.
"They didn't tell you a darn thing, did they?" Sandy said, her eyes narrowing. "I suppose I'll tell you anyway though. I'd rather you hear it from me. I was going through some self-worth issues... about how I have potential, but I'm not doing anything. I'm not suicidal and don't self-harm, but I've been in a rut for a while and Cid has really helped me with my depression."
"I had no idea... I'm such and idiot," I said, rubbing my forehead.
"This is exactly what I wanted to avoid, Dee. None of this is your fault and nothing you can do can change it, okay? I'm getting better and that's all that matters. I don't want you worrying at all."
I nodded, a little clueless on the subject. "Whatever you want, sis. I just want you to be happy. And one more thing..."
"Yes?"
I pulled her in for a hug. "I love you, Sandy. Don't forget that."
"Aw. I won't. Love you too, bro."
Yay! Jessie and Andy finally got married! AND Jessie's pregnant! I can't wait to see their kids :D
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